A Year in the Life: Part Four- The Egbert-Crockers
by kaybee613
Summary: John leads a pretty normal life, and so does Jane. When they start dealing with relationships in high school, with both new friends and old ones, they both find themselves wound up in all kinds of teenage drama
1. Beach Day

Part Four: The Egbert-Crockers

Chapter One: Beach Day

John couldn't help but laugh at himself as he fell off the surfboard for the 1000th time. Jade giggled at him, too, from atop her own board.  
"I think I'm going to call it quits, Jade. I just can't do this!" John said. "But thanks for trying to teach me." Jade grinned back at him.  
"Thanks for trying, John!" she said cheerfully. John grabbed the spare surfboard and made his way back to where his other friends Dave and Rose were sitting. Rose was under the shade of the umbrella, finishing reading another book, and Dave was laying on the towel next to her, looking like he'd been watching Jade and John from behind his cool-guy shades. John fished the blue-rimmed glasses out of his bag, put them on, and sat down next to Dave.  
"Good job out there, Egbert," Dave muttered as John sat down. "Really. Great work."  
"Pfft, at least I tried. You too cool to get your ass dunked in the ocean or something?" John retorted, grinning.  
"Figure there's enough cool out there. Jade's cool."  
"Yeah, I got it."  
"How'd you say you two were related again?"  
"We're not. Our parents grew up together. I guess we used to spend a lot of time together when we were kids, but then her parents… well, I'm not sure what happened to them, actually, but she had to move to that crazy island. We used to talk over Pesterchum a lot growing up, but she hardly ever got to visit. Her grandparents finally decided she needed to go to real school this year or something."  
"Yeah, I know that. She's been here all summer," Dave said.  
"Not that you mind, right?"  
"What do you mean by that?"  
John chuckled. "Nothing. You just—"  
At that moment, John's attention was grabbed by a stray beach ball rolling up to the three of them. It was followed after a moment by a short boy with bright red eyes and white flecks of hair appearing at his roots. John didn't react initially, but Dave stood from his towel and picked the ball up, approaching the boy.  
"This yours?" Dave asked.  
"Yeah, fuckface, hand it over." The strange boy reached to grab the ball out of Dave's hands but he simply whisked it away, holding it over his head. John couldn't help but snicker at the height difference. Dave was a full head taller, and then some, than this boy.  
"Whoa, you got a temper there."  
"Look, just stop being a douche and give me the beach ball back."  
"Maybe you should stop calling me names, then, shortstack."  
"David," Rose's voice came, "stop teasing the boy." Dave grumbled something before tossing the boy his ball back.  
"Thanks, _David,"_ the boy said, an amount of taunting in his voice.  
"It's Dave," Dave grumbled back at him.  
"Yeah, whatever," the tiny boy muttered before turning and going back the way he came from. John found the whole altercation amusing, though it was clear Dave was more than a bit disgruntled, especially at Rose's chiding. He sat back down.  
"David isn't even my name," he said, glaring at Rose. "How'd you like it if I called you Rosalind?"  
"I think there's a certain amount of elegance to it, to be honest." Rose glanced up from her book. "I do hope Roxy isn't getting the others into too much trouble."  
"Speak of the devil and they shall arrive, Rosey." John looked up to find Rose's older sister return to the group, along with Dave's brother, Dirk, and his own cousins, Jane and Jake. "We weren't doin' anythin' troublesome, but it's sweet of you to worry, sis."  
"Really, you didn't bring _any_ illicit substances to the beach today?"  
"Nope!" Roxy exclaimed. Rose huffed a bit but returned to her book. John stood up, approaching the four older kids who'd just arrived.  
"Did you guys bring the food?" John asked, grinning.  
Jane nodded, grinning back at him, her smile slightly less toothy than John's, but the family's signature buck teeth still visible. John was a bit envious that Jane hadn't had braces nearly as long as he'd been stuck with his, but it wasn't enough to become a point of contention between the two. John was comforted by the fact that Jade and Jake still had braces, too. He turned towards the water where Jade was still out surfing and waved her in for lunch. Dirk had managed to snag one of the grills and was working on cooking off some hot dogs. The kids all had a relaxing beach day, staying until past sunset. They found themselves around a small campfire, the younger kids (and Jake) roasting marshmallows for s'mores, John smiling through the sticky goop stuck in his braces. There was a peaceful silence as they all chewed, watching the sunset over the ocean. Roxy sighed.  
"Ah, wish we could just stay here forever," she said, wistfully. "It's so pretty."  
"Yeah, too bad we gotta go to school tomorrow and get an 'education' and 'contribute to society'," Dave muttered.  
"Have fun in high school, you _kiddos,"_ Roxy said, waggling an eyebrow at the rest of the group.  
"I still can't believe you graduated early, Roxy!" Jane exclaimed.  
"Janey, Janey, Janey… I may not _seem_ it but I got mad haxxor skills."  
"I didn't mean to insinuate that you weren't the intelligent type."  
"Oh yah. I knowwww," Roxy exaggerated her words. "Anyways, college is gonna be sooo cool. Gonna get my party ON!" Roxy exclaimed, throwing her fist in the air as she giggled. Jane laughed alongside her friend, but was also acutely aware of her hand continually brushing against Jake's in the sand. Jake either hadn't noticed, or wasn't planning on moving away. Jane felt her face flush, and prayed she wasn't being too obvious. Dirk was looking at Jake, too, and Jane decided not to focus on it. She leaned against Roxy, who seemed very attuned and aware of everything that was happening, despite the clear lack of verbal communication. Jane knew she had to say something to Jake before the end of the year. She'd been dwelling on her feelings towards him for what felt like ages. He'd come from England the summer before they went into high school, just as Jade had just moved from her island home, and Jane felt a little unsure about her crush at first, seeing as he did look strikingly similar to her own cousin, but once they'd spent more time together, she realized John and Jake were nothing alike, at least not in the way over personality. And, through all those years, Jane had never gained the courage to say anything to him. She shook herself out of her own head. She was getting too deep into thought about it, as usual.  
"Yeah, I'm really excited for you, Rox," she said, smiling. "And it'll be fun having everyone at Skaia High this year." John and Jade smiled back at her, while Rose looked contemplative, but Jane suspected it was more towards Roxy's comment about partying than anything, and Dave remained stoic.  
"I've never been to a real school before!" Jade exclaimed, bright green eyes wide behind her rounded glasses. "Has it been fun, Jake?"  
"Well, there's quite a bit of hullabaloo at first, but once you get acquainted with everything, it's the bee's knees! I was a bit jingle-brained at first, nearly made a hash out of things my first week, but I'm sure you'll be fine," Jake rattled off. John found Jake's vocabulary quite… eclectic, but he seemed to understand most of what Jake said. Jade laughed.  
"Okay, I'll try to pay attention, then," she said. John smiled. He could see why Dave had assumed they were related. Other than the fact that Jade and Jake had considerably darker skin than Jane or John, they all could have been family, and John certainly wished he'd gotten to spend more time with Jade growing up. They practically _were_ siblings. But he did get to grow up with Jane. It was remarkable how much John and his older cousin looked alike, but he supposed it made sense considering their fathers were twins. John was looking forward to being in high school with all his friends around, and he knew it was going to be an exciting year.


	2. First Day of School

Chapter Two: First Day of School

John woke up groggily to his alarm the morning after the beach day, blinking awake, until he fully processed _why_ his alarm was going off so early, and he sat up in his bed excitedly, slamming the alarm button down.  
"First day of school! First day of school!" John shouted excitedly in his best Nemo impression as he grabbed his glasses off the nightstand and ran down the hall. Jane woke up much slower, but also a bit earlier than John, and was already in the bathroom getting ready when John darted in, utterly beaming.  
"I take it you're excited," she said, a thin smile on her face.  
"What's not to be excited about? High school is going to be a whole new experience."  
"Mhmm, it sure is," Jane muttered, thinking about her own plans. It was going to be difficult without Roxy around. Jane, Roxy, Jake and Dirk had been together since their own first days, and while Jane was exceptionally close with Jake and Dirk, it would be unusual to be the only girl around. Roxy had assured her they would still hang out on the weekends, the college was local, but that wasn't the only issues complicating things. There was also the matter of Dirk's affections. That was to say, Jane was very aware that she wasn't the only one crushing on Jake, which, without Roxy to balance things out, put the trio in what Jane was afraid would be a very awkward situation. She paced out of the bathroom to give John a bit of room, and pulled out her phone, messaging Roxy about her concerns.

gutsyGumshoe [GG] began pestering tipsyGnostalgic [TG]

GG: Heyyy.  
GG: Ahem.  
GG: Ro-Lal?  
TG: oopos sry  
TG: was havin important chats  
GG: Oh?  
GG: With whom?  
TG: w yet anather ineligible fuckin bachelor who elfe i have to talk 2  
GG: Yeah.  
GG: Um… which one, precisely?  
TG: di stri  
TG: insmufferable prick mf'r extroariadinnere  
TG: *lol wow  
TG: *extradinner  
TG: *heheh yum

Jane squinted at her phone screen. It was sometimes hard to tell whether Roxy was stealing from her mother's liquor cabinet, or if she just made a copious amount of typos. More often than not, the answer was both.

GG: If the chats and surplus dinners were truly important, I wouldn't want to interrupt.  
TG: tchhhh  
TG: of course not jus the usual bs  
TG: chats with u always get precedance anyways  
TG: unless this is more of u givin me shit about not believin me on all my sick tru facts  
GG: No, but there was something I wanted to talk to you about.  
TG: i c  
TG: go on….  
GG: You see, I was just thinking about the situation at school this year. I know I really should talk to Jake about how I feel, but… what if that ruins everything? And, worse, because of Dirk's feelings, also. Even if I don't say anything, I am concerned that without your oddly good sense of diplomacy with this situation, Dirk and I might begin subconsciously fighting for Jake's attention.  
TG: nah  
TG: frist off, jake in't goin 2 stpo hangin out wit u just cuz u decide to womon up an tell him how u feel  
TG: second off, u an dirk are too good of friends to start arguin, evn subconcuously, over sone DUDE  
TG: even if that dude is jakey  
GG: Are you sure?  
GG: I'm just very nervous about this year.  
GG: And if I wanted to tell Jake, I'm not even sure how to approach it.  
TG: do u wan me 2 talk 2 jake about it?  
GG: That's not necessary.  
TG: fineeee  
TG: u gonna do it today?  
GG: Probably not.  
TG: well the sooner the better janey  
TG: if u don't say sometihng soon, dirk'll beat cha to it  
GG: Mm.  
GG: I suppose I should try to do that soon.  
GG: Thanks, Rox.  
TG: no prablem  
TG: we BFFSIES 4 LYFE  
TG: i got chu girl

gutsyGumshoe [GG] has ceased pestering tipsyGnostalgic [TG]

John glanced at his schedule. He'd sent it out in a group text to Rose, Jade, and Dave, and they'd sent theirs back. From what he could tell, he didn't share any classes with them, but he tried not to let that fact curb his enthusiasm. John assured himself he would manage to make some friends as he made his way downstairs. Jane came down a few moments later, trying her best to smile.  
"Alright, kids, let's go," John's dad said, ushering them towards the car. Jane was quick to grab two paper bags out of the refrigerator before going, tossing one of them to John.  
"Don't forget your lunch, John!" she said as he caught it. "I baked some cupcakes and put one in there for you." John made a face that was not quite a grimace, but not quite a smile either. He didn't want to hurt Jane's feelings, but she and her dad baked so many sweets. John had a sweet tooth, like any kid, but he preferred sugary candy and chocolate to baked goods. Still, it was a kind gesture and John smiled up at his cousin.  
"Thanks, Jane," he muttered, taking his lunch and climbing into the back seat of his dad's car. Jane got the front, as per usual. It was a perk of being older, she supposed. Jane wished she could evoke the same enthusiasm as John, but with it being her senior year, she was the slightest bit jaded, as well as nervous about having to apply for college. Roxy had graduated early, Dirk would get into some robotics or computer programming school with no issue, and it sounded like Jake was toying with the idea of returning to the UK, which left Jane with no friends and hardly any prospect of how to continue her education. It was wearing on her to even think about. That was why it was so important to her to make this year count.

John and Jane arrived at school and went their separate ways. John's first class was history, which he was mildly interested in, though he knew, as was the case with most of his classes, he was only taking it because he had to. John took a seat towards the middle of class as a kid in a wheelchair came in, made eye contact with the red-headed girl in front of John, and moved next to her as she displaced the chair. John couldn't help but notice her unusual, red-tinted glasses.  
"Hey, Tavros," John heard the girl say.  
"Hi," the boy replied.  
A moment later, the teacher cleared her throat as she began passing out the syllabus. "Good morning, everyone, welcome to Skaia High! My name is Ms. Merrick and this is our World History class. Okay, now I've given you all a copy of the syllabus. Let's just go over that." The girl in front of John raised her hand and Ms. Merrick consulted her attendance sheet. "Yes… Terezi?"  
"Do you have a copy of this in Braille?"  
"Hmm?"  
"Ms. Merrick, I'm blind." John couldn't help but chuckle at Terezi's point-blank statement, and neither, it seemed, could most of the class. Ms. Merrick looked a bit flustered.  
"Ah, right. I will take care of any accommodations you need. And for you, as well, uh, Tavros."  
"I'm uh, fine, thanks," Tavros said.  
John was feeling sufficiently awkward after that, simply not knowing how to react to sharing a class with a blind girl and a paraplegic, but he tried to ignore it, especially considering that it turned out he also shared his next class with Terezi. He purposefully left a seat between them, as she'd sat down first, and it was quickly filled by another girl. John went to P.E. for 3rd period, only recognizing one other boy.  
"Hey, I know you!" John said, excitedly approaching him. "You're that kid from the beach yesterday!" John's smile faded as he saw the boy's deep scowl.  
"What the wet bag of human horse shit to the face do you think you're doing? Oh my lord."  
"What?" John said, genuinely taken aback. "I was just trying to be friendly!" He didn't let the grumpiness deter them. "Hey, have you ever seen Con Air?"  
"What kind of crappy movie is that? Stupid asshole screws the pooch?"  
"No, it's about these criminals on a runaway plane, and they've got to be stopped by Nic Cage and John Cusack together as a team."  
"Oh. Ok, that actually sounds pretty good, I guess," the boy softened. John grinned again now that he was lightening up.  
"It is sweet. So sweet."  
"I've heard of John Cusack, I think. Wasn't he in Serendipity? That was pretty great."  
"Hahaha, oh man, that sucked so bad!"  
"Weren't you trying to become friends with me? I don't see how that's going to work if you recoil from my olive branch like I'm wiggling a gnarled tree monster's dick in your direction."  
"You… say some weird stuff. Anyway, my name's John!" John finally managed to get an introduction out.  
"Karkat," the short boy grumbled.  
"Karkat? Haha, beep beep meow!"  
"Don't make fun of me, I didn't choose the name."  
"Sorry."  
It was at that time the teacher (coach?) gathered everyone's attention, and Karkat returned to his other friends, an overly tall boy with crazy hair and juggalo makeup, and a girl with one eye bandaged and a prosthetic arm. John frowned a bit. There were lots of weird kids at this school.  
John sat next to a girl with a cat beanie on in his next class, geometry, and on her other side was a muscular boy, and after that was lunch. John was glad to get to meet up with his friends again.  
"Hey Dave, I met that kid from the beach. He's in my P.E. class!" John said.  
"Yeah, I met him too, in geometry this morning. Karkat?" Dave answered, almost questioningly. "He's so goddamn angry."  
"Yeah, I noticed."  
John and Dave were shortly joined by Jade and Rose, and they all talked about their morning experiences before having to return to class. John had biology after lunch, and he saw the red-head and the girl with the prosthetic arm again. On impulse, he decided to take the third seat at their lab station.  
"Hey, can I sit here?" he asked, trying to be polite.  
"Shit, dude, I'm not gonna stop you," the girl with the prosthetic said. The red-head grinned. That was Terezi, right? The other girl kept talking. "Anyway, so I told him, 'don't be stupid, I don't need your charity.' Like, that boy is too nice for his own good, honestly."  
"And you're too stubborn and 'self-sufficient' for your own good," Terezi answered.  
"Wouldn't have it any other way, though." John gave both the girls a puzzled expression. "Oh, sorry, we're being rude, aren't we? I'm Vriska, this is my partner in crime, Terezi."  
"My name's John!" John said with a smile. The girls seemed nice. Vriska was perhaps a tad arrogant, but John wasn't really off-put by it. He made his way to his last class of the day, English, and sat next to a very pretty and quite elegant-looking girl, but minded his own business.

Jane said goodbye to her cousin and headed off to class, starting the day with Statistics. Jane was used to all the first-day rigamarole at that point, and knew it was a day for gauging classmates and collecting syllabi, though she did hate that she'd been stuck in math first thing in the morning. Though, she did share the class with Jake, so that was a plus. They sat next to each other, each of them having taken statistics due to feeling unprepared for Calculus, which was, of course, the option Dirk had taken. If anything, it was nice to have a friend. Jane's next class was English, followed by ceramics. It was relaxing to have an art class in the middle of the day, and the teacher was new that year so there weren't really expectations other than to do the assigned project. Jane was mildly creative; she was sure she could have fun in that. She had Spanish after that, though, which definitely brought her down. It was something her dad had absolutely _insisted_ on, even though colleges only required 3 years of a foreign language. It seemed Jake and Dirk had decided to take Spanish 4 as well, but neither of them wound up in the same class as Jane. She let out a sigh. Foreign languages certainly weren't her forte, and feeling lonesome in the class wasn't going to help.  
At the very least, she had lunch to look forward to. She found Jake and Dirk already sitting together in the cafeteria and she darted over, sitting on the edge of the bench next to Jake.  
"Hey, guys!" she said as she sat. "How's your morning been?"  
"Meh. Robotics class is cool," Dirk said, as stoic as ever.  
"Yeah, until you mentioned signing up for that class, I wasn't even aware it existed."  
"Small program," Dirk answered.  
"My morning was top!" Jake said, grinning. "I must say, it's nice to get all the blasted academia out of the way in the morning, what with teachers prattling on about nonsense. I can't wait to see what the rest of the day has in store." Jane found herself smiling blithely at Jake, when Dirk caught her eye (at least, she thought he did; it was hard to tell with the shades) and she brought herself back to attention. She and Dirk went to their next class together- Economics- and then parted again before 6th period. Jane had only taken Home Ec in the hopes they would be cooking plenty; it was the elective that had caught her attention most, and, as usual, she hardly recognized it.  
Jane was wearing a deep frown when she and John got back home. John plopped onto the couch.  
"It's going to be an exciting year," he muttered, sounding a bit sleepy.  
"Yeah," Jane answered. She knew it would also be a long one.


	3. Girls and Boys

Chapter Three  
Girls and Boys

The first few days of school passed without much excitement. John was doing his best to become closer friends with Karkat, as well as Vriska and Terezi. It was the next Monday in the cafeteria that John spent with Dave, Jade, and Rose, when he got an idea.  
"Hey guys, why don't we sit with Karkat and his friends? I think we've all met at least one of them, right?" John suggested, gauging his friends' reaction. Rose had been glancing towards the table Karkat was sitting at, and Jade smiled at John's suggestion. Dave was the only one who was hard to read, but that was usually the case with him.  
"I think that's an excellent idea, John," Rose mused. It was clear she had an ulterior motive, but John was just excited to combine the groups. He stood, with his lunch in his hand, caught Karkat's attention by waving vigorously, and headed over, the other 3 moving a bit slower behind him.  
"Hey, Karkat!" John said cheerfully.  
Karkat looked disgruntled at John's approach. "I'm sorry, did I fucking invite you to sit here, Egbert?"  
"Oh fuck no, you three?" John heard Dave say, gesturing towards Karkat, his juggalo friend, and the kid in the wheelchair. "These are the pricks from my Spanish class."  
"Come on, Dave, Karkat isn't so bad!"  
"Whatever," Dave muttered, sitting down.  
"Hey, I'm Tavros," the boy in the wheelchair said, attempting to shake Dave's hand. Dave took it, even smiling a bit.  
"'sup. 'm Dave." John grinned as he sat down next to Karkat. He was glad everyone seemed to start making friends. He found himself sitting across from Vriska. There was something about her that John couldn't quite place. She was abrasive, but oddly charming in a way, and she certainly embraced her unconventional physicality with her own sense of style. By not shying away from it, Vriska seemed to make a prosthetic arm look good. John had half a mind to ask how she got it, but he was too wary about that being intrusive.  
John, Rose, Dave and Jade began making a habit of sitting with Karkat and Company™. By mid-October, John reached the point where he considered them friends. John was glad to feel comfortable enough with new people, and he only hoped Jane was having similar luck with other students in her grade. Posters went up for Homecoming within a few weeks, and John began to get a thought. He wasn't sure about the thought, since he still didn't know her that well, but he decided to go for it sometime during biology class. John walked into class early with a grin as he took his seat across from Vriska. It didn't look like Terezi had shown up yet, so John took this as an opportunity.  
"Hey, Vriska!" he said, sitting down. "What are you up to?"  
Vriska jumped, not having seen John come in. "John! What the hell. First of all, who told you you could just hassle me without warning like this? That's not how this works!"  
"Why not?"  
"Those are the rules. I get to bug you any time we feel like, and you have to sit there and take it like a chump," Vriska said, smiling her devilish smile. John huffed a bit. "I am too busy to be fielding your nonsense at the drop of a hat. I have a ridiculous number of irons in the fire."  
"That's dumb. I'm going to talk to you whenever I want!" John felt himself flush as Vriska grinned, her smile less toothy then. She really was attractive, even more-so when she softened up a bit. "Well, anyway, I… uhm. Have you seen the-!" John stopped, aware that he wasn't making much sense. Vriska's smile had faded, one eyebrow raised in confusion. John took a breath, and prepared to ask again, but as he opened his mouth, Terezi walked into the classroom. He sighed.  
John messaged Rose and Dave later that day, looking for some advice.

ectoBiologist [EB] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG]

EB: hey dave?  
EB: are you planning on asking anyone to homecoming?  
TG: why are you  
EB: well, yeah  
EB: i'm just kind of nervous i guess  
TG: who  
EB: vriska  
TG: vriska?  
TG: dont do that dude  
TG: shes fucking crazy  
EB: yeah right  
EB: i think vriska's cool!  
EB: but i kinda flaked on asking her earlier  
TG: karkles told me shes the one who put tavros in that chair  
EB: really?  
EB: also pfft karkles?  
TG: i mean  
TG: i dont know if its true but she does kind of seem the type to be brutally violent  
TG: even if it was an accident i wouldnt go near her with a 39 and a half foot pole  
TG: and yes it pisses karkat off and i think its kind of funny how angry he gets  
EB: hmm  
EB: well i'm going to see what rose thinks  
TG: shes gonna tell you the same thing  
EB: what makes you so sure?  
TG: i have known rose lalonde my entire life i know exactly how she operates  
EB: whatever, man

ectoBiologist [EB] began pestering tentacleTherapist [TT]

EB: hey rose  
EB: you've been seeing those fliers around school, right?  
TT: I presume you're referring to the posters advertising the Homecoming dance.  
TT: In which case, yes, I have been seeing them around.  
EB: i want your opinion on something  
EB: i was going to ask someone to go to the dance with me  
TT: If you don't mind me prying, John, may I ask who?  
EB: vriska  
TT: Really…  
EB: yeah but i kind of chickened out  
TT: If it's any consolation, John, I find myself in a similar situation.  
EB: rose you were gonna ask a boy to homecoming? :O  
EB: that's so cool that youre not waiting for someone to ask you  
TT: Well, I never was one for gender conformity.  
TT: But I haven't been able to muster up the courage yet.  
EB: oh man  
EB: guess we're in the same boat  
TT: You realize you don't _have_ to have a date?  
EB: yeah but  
EB: i don't really want to go alone to be honest  
TT: Well if nothing else, John, I will accompany you to the dance.  
EB: rose!  
TT: In a strictly platonic sense, of course.  
EB: no, i just mean that  
EB: what if you end up really wanting to ask this guy?  
TT: Crushes come and go, John.  
TT: Excuse me for being sappy, but friendships are forever.  
EB: aw rose  
EB: i guess i will take you up on that offer  
EB: i like vriska but she intimidates me a bit  
EB: i don't think ill be able to ask her in time  
TT: Yes, she does have that effect.

EB: it doesnt matter if you think vriska's crazy  
EB: i don't have the nerve to even ask her  
TG: were you talking to rose just now  
EB: yeah, that's what i said i was going to do  
TG: she tell you not to ask spiderbitch?  
EB: not exactly  
EB: she said she'd go with me instead  
TG: really?  
TG: huh  
EB: is that weird?  
TG: yeah a bit  
EB: guess you don't know her as well as you thought  
TG: shut the fuck up egbert  
EB: you never answered me earlier  
TG: what  
EB: are you asking anybody to homecoming?  
TG: i was going to but i doubt theyd say yes  
EB: aw dave i'm sure that's not true!  
TG: theyre interested in someone else so  
TG: pretty sure it is  
EB: oh  
EB: i'm sorry  
TG: no big deal dude  
TG: i dont have an issue going by myself  
EB: is it terezi?  
TG: uh  
EB: come on, i see the way you look when she's flirting with karkat  
TG: yeah tz is chill  
TG: anyway  
TG: gotta go

turntechGodhead [TG] has ceased pestering ectoBiologist [EB]

John let a long breath out. He supposed that was one dilemma solved. He felt a little less confused about having a bit of a crush, since it sounded like at least Rose was in that situation as well. It was a bit concerning, what Dave had said about Vriska and Tavros, but John didn't want to pay it much mind. He went downstairs for dinner, sitting down with his dad, Jane, and his uncle, smiling by that point.  
"John, what's got you in such high spirits?" Jane asked.  
"Oh, I was just talking to Rose and Dave about Homecoming," he said.  
"Homecoming?! Ohh… shucks buster! That's soon, isn't it?"  
"I think so, it's next weekend, right?"  
"Excuse me for a moment!" Jane exclaimed before leaving the room. Just as she was about to open Pesterchum, she received a message.

tipsyGnostalgic [TG] began pestering gutsyGumshoe [GG]

TG: ALART ALART ARLART AL*ERT AL*ART  
TG: hugely important cornespondence  
TG: paging doctor crocker  
TG: rolal to docrock  
GG: Roxy! I was just about to message you.  
GG: What is this urgent thing about?  
TG: i gotta tell you something u need to know before its too late  
GG: Before what's too late?  
TG: you and jake hookin up stupid!  
GG: You're a mind reader.  
TG: this is about turnin all your steamydreamz in to STEAMAY REALTITIES  
TG: ***realities lolo  
TG: whereins jc + je kiss & hug loads 33,3,33380!  
TG: i can't decide whether this mental image porcolating here is hot as shit or cute as fuck  
GG: Did you hear something from Dirk, is that why you're messaging me about this?  
TG: yah dude!  
TG: this is serious you need to tell him how u feel VERY SOON  
TG: or you might miss your chance  
TG: i found out today taht dirks gonna make a move  
GG: A move? You mean a romantic one?  
TG: yes  
TG: ON JAKE!  
GG: Oh. Ohhh.  
GG: Poor Dirk!  
TG: what do you mean  
GG: Well, surely when he reveals his feelings, Jake will…  
TG: ?  
GG: I mean… he couldn't possibly…  
TG: wut  
TG: repriprocate?  
GG: Yes?  
TG: janey if u dont think jake could be gay what have you been worried about this whole time?  
GG: Are you saying he is?  
TG: im sayin that i dont fuckin know  
TG: kid is a goggamn egnigma  
TG: if dirk lets on all his feelins there is at least a CHANCE jake will go like DERP OK DUDE LETS MAKE OUT  
TG: and that means poor jane is screwed without ever even throwing her filthy old fedora in the ring  
TG: it is a ring i lke ot call TEH ENGLISH SPEEPSTAKES  
TG: and if u dont youll regret it  
TG: and i mean  
TG: OFFICIALLY?  
TG: i cant have a horse in the race  
TG: wait bad metaphor ebcause of dirk and his fuckin horstes n/m  
TG: like you are both my friends and im not out to mess him up or anything  
TG: but i kinda owe it to you as my friend to let you know whats up  
TG: and also to get you to stop being such a WORLD CHAMPION TIGHTASS  
TG: and let jake know  
GG: Oh, not this tightass baloney again.  
TG: jane  
GG: What?  
TG: jaane..  
GG: ..  
TG: jc your are the tightassiest tightass who ever tightened up an ass  
GG: No way!  
GG: So ridiculous. :P  
TG: im not sayin be an idiot and start gushin at him incoherentry  
TG: but do SOMETHING  
TG: say how u feel  
TG: or flirst a bit or such  
TG: goddamn ANYTHING other that a bunch of bullshitty pining and tightassy NOTHING  
GG: Fine.  
GG: Just…  
GG: I need to think of what to say and wait for the right moment.  
TG: just dont wait too long  
TG: and dont underestimate striders wiles  
TG: nor jakes…  
TG: lets say  
TG: open mindedness?  
GG: Well,  
GG: He does often profess his love for adventure, I suppose.  
GG: OMG.  
GG: I really don't have a moment to spare, do I?  
TG: ur finally gettin it.  
TG: now go

tipsyGnostalgic [TG] has ceased pestering gutsyGumshoe [GG]

Jane nervously put her phone away and returned to the dinner table, already thinking about how appropriately to ask Jake out. She did make one promise to herself; that she would do it the next day, when they were in class together. They both had a tendency to show up early, and that would make things invariably easier.

Jane sat down next to Jake in Statistics, giving him a small smile as she did so.

"Aloha, madame!" Jake said, grinning.  
"Good morning, Jake!" Jane said, trying her best to not appear nervous. "Glad to see you; there was something I wanted to talk to you about."  
"Yes, I have heard that maybe your correspondence was forthcoming."  
"You did?"  
"Roxy messaged me last night."  
"Wait...what did she tell you?" Jane said, feeling her heartbeat accelerate.  
"Nothing specific. But… I will not be deterred here, Jane!"  
"Deterred from what?"  
Jake took a small breath. "Jane, I think it's time we had an honest to goodness dame to fella talk. Like about our...stuff. You know?"  
"Our stuff?"  
"Our feelings. Like how we feel about each other."  
Jane bit her lip, attempting not to give in to her sudden spurt of panic. No, this was good. She didn't have to bring it up. She could put all her feelings out there. "Um...Yes. Okay."  
Jake seemed nervous as well. Was that a good sign? He wouldn't be nervous if there was no affection there. Jane took it as a good sign. "I don't think I'm out of line in suggesting we've been tiptoeing around some things here, do you?"  
"Have we?" Jane asked, admittedly playing dumb a little bit.  
"I think so… it's just a hunch."  
"Is there something you want to say to me, Jake? About how you feel?"  
"Absolutely! I feel that total honesty between us will be the best policy as we begin our journey together." Oh God, what kind of journey was he talking about? "So I say let's put all the facts on the table where we both can see them. With that in mind, I would like to ask you a question, Jane, and I hope it doesn't strike you as being too forward."  
"Er… go on."  
"Maybe it's just my imagination, but I've picked up on certain… let's say hints. So I have to just come out and ask. Hoo boy, this is actually proving to be a serious challenge to my bravery now that I'm going through with it. I'm getting a little hot under the collar here!" Jake tugged on his shirt collar a bit, emphasizing his point. Jane wanted to urge him forward, but didn't want to come off as pushy, either.  
"No, it's okay… please continue!"  
"Um. Okay, then. What I'd like to know is… do you like me, Jane?" Jane was blushing furiously at that point, as was Jake. His embarrassment in having to ask was clear. "Do you like me as more than a friend? Do you envision us as, like… an item? A romantic pairing of sorts?"  
"Wow. Um…" Jane had known it was coming, but couldn't wrap her head around the answer.  
"Is that the direction in which you would prefer our relationship to progress?"  
"Well, I…" Jane's voice trailed off.  
"Please!" Jake pleaded. He glanced around, and Jane hoped the other students wouldn't start arriving quite yet. "Be honest with me, Jane. Just come out and say it. Do you fancy me?"  
"No!" she blurted, immediately covering her mouth. What the fuck was that?  
"I see. Very well, then. Jeez, I must've really misread that one!" Jake looked incredibly embarrassed, and Jane was sure she did as well, but Jake was so accepting of what he assumed was the truth that she didn't want to have the conversation anymore. Jake smiled a friendly smile and turned towards the front of class as their teacher entered. Jane bit her lip, then hid her face in her textbook.

gutsyGumshoe [GG] began pestering tipsyGnostalgic [TG]

GG: That's it, Rox.  
GG: I blew it.  
TG: wut  
GG: I'll have to call you later.  
TG: ye im in class rn but we'll have the chatsies 2niet

tipsyGnostalgic [TG] ceased pestering gutsyGumshoe [GG]

Jane sighed. She only hoped, for John's sake, that he would have better luck than she did.

Feferi was the one who brought up the topic of Homecoming first.  
"Boys, who're you all gonna ask? Or have you already?" John drew a sharp breath, his eyes darting over to Vriska for no more than a second. None of the boys wanted to answer, avoiding the question until Gamzee spoke.  
"I ain't asking nobody, gonna go with my motherfuckin' self and have a good time," he said. Why was he always high?

"O-oh," Feferi answered. "Um, what about you, Karkat?"

"Don't put me on the spot!" Karkat snipped. John saw Karkat glance at Terezi, and felt bad for Dave. "What about you, princess? Who are you going with?"

"Oh, I already told Eridan I would go with him," she said, smile ever-present.

"Not worth the time," Vriska sneered. "He's such a fucking pain; I can't believe I ever dated him." Vriska had dated Eridan? John mentally stored that information away.

"Because you were so _fuckin' peachy_ , right, Vris?!" Eridan shouted.

"Eridan, hush," Feferi said. "He's not so bad. Anyway...what about you, John?"

"I, uh..." John fumbled with his words a bit, not having expected to be called out. Rose smiled and shook his head at him.

"John and I will be attending together. He never got the nerve up to ask anyone, and neither did I," Rose said. John lightly smiled at her, grateful she'd stepped in to answer.  
"'s cool, bro," Dave said, leaning back in his chair. "I wasn't gonna ask anyone to be my date either. I'm with Gamzee on that one."

"Yeahhhh," Gamzee slurred, fist-bumping Dave across the table.

"As much fun as a date would be, I thought we could all just go as friends!" Jade said, her typical optimism showing through. "But I'm still curious; who would you ask, Tavros?"

Tavros blushed, eyes widening at the sudden shift in attention. "Uhm... I was going to ask... um... this girl, from English class. Uh, how about you, Equius?" John was glad they were going around the table in such a way. He'd been hanging out with the group a lot, but didn't know many of the other kids individually very well.

"I was... going to ask someone. But, if she says no I will go with Nepeta."

"You butt! I'm your second choice?" Nepeta pouted.

"I believed that was our arrangement..." Equius murmured.

"Naw, it is. I'm just teasing." John cracked a smile at Nepeta and enjoyed the rest of lunch with his friends.


	4. Shades of Blue

Chapter Four  
Shades of Blue

"Wait, wait, wait," Roxy said, amazingly lucid for once. "I'm confused, why'd you tell him no?"  
"I don't know, I panicked! And I know Dirk is going to ask Jake in some ostentatious fashion, and they'll end up going together, and I'll just be third-wheeling along the whole time because I haven't been able to make any other friends," Jane said, a note of bitterness in her voice.  
"Hang on," Roxy muttered, shutting off the volume on her phone. "Gotta give Janey 100 percent BFFsies attention!"  
"Thanks for listening, Rox. I just… don't really want to go to the dance with them if they're going to be, like, a date. But I also don't want to miss my last Homecoming dance!"  
"Jane," Roxy said, suddenly getting excited. "Jaaaaaneeeee! What if… what if _I_ went with you? Not like, as a date or nothin' obvi, but just for funsies? I haven't gotten to see any of you guys bein' up at the college."  
"Is that… is that an option?"  
"Yeah! I can't get a ticket cause _technically_ I'm not a high school student, but you can get me a guest pass. Then I get to hang out with all my besties and enjoy the dance and you don't have to go alone!"  
Jane paused, thinking it over for a moment, then slowly nodded. "Yeah… yeah, I can do that!" Roxy excitedly threw her fist up in the air.  
"Yeah! Hey Rosie!" she called into the other room, where Rose was sitting with John. "I'm goin' to Homecoming!"

"Great," Rose muttered as her sister giggled in the other room.  
"What, you don't want Roxy to go?" John asked. He wasn't sure why Rose had such a disdain for her sister. Roxy seemed fun to be around.  
"It's not that I don't want Roxy to go, it's that she can get a bit… excessive in environments like that." Rose said. "And she's practically an adult, and entitled to do what she likes in college, but I was hoping her habits wouldn't have an effect on my Homecoming dance." John nodded slowly, starting to understand what Rose was talking about.  
"Well I'm sure it will be fun anyway!" John cheered. He was genuinely looking forward to going to the dance with Rose; they'd been friends for years. John and Rose met in middle school band, where John played the piano and Rose played violin. John was sure Jade would've joined Jazz Band on bass if she'd gone to school with them.  
"At any rate, I was planning on going dress shopping with Jade this weekend," Rose said. "And now I suppose Roxy will want to come with me, and probably bring Jane along. We may as well make it a full group outing. You and Dave haven't gotten your dress shirts yet, have you?"  
"Uh…" John muttered. "I don't know about Dave, but I haven't."  
"Knowing Dave, he probably hasn't either. Can you do me a favor and message Jade? My phone died."  
"Yeah, sure thing."

ectoBiologist [EB] began pestering gardenGnostic [GG]

EB: hi jade!  
GG: oh, hey john!  
GG: what's up?  
EB: oh, rose wanted me to ask something  
EB: she said you guys were supposed to go shopping for homecoming dresses together  
GG: oh yeah!  
GG: i'm glad you mentioned it  
GG: i forgot!  
EB: oh well, now jane is gonna bring roxy, like get her a guest ticket and stuff  
EB: and rose suggested that we all just go to the mall together since dave and i don't have our dress shirts yet either  
GG: that sounds fun!  
GG: oh, by the way has feferi talked to you at all?  
EB: no, why?  
GG: oh, she wanted to know if we would want to join everyone at her place for pictures  
GG: dave said he doesn't really care  
GG: cause he's lame :P  
EB: hang on, let me ask rose

"Hey Rose, Feferi is getting everyone together for pictures before Homecoming. It sounds like Jade and Dave are in."  
"Are you asking me if I would like to join everyone?"  
"I guess."  
"Yes, that sounds fun," Rose gave a small smile, and John grinned at her, then at his phone as he answered Jade.

EB: yeah, rose said she's cool with that  
EB: and i think it sounds fun!  
GG: okay cool!  
GG: i'll tell fef you're coming  
GG: and see all you guys on saturday!

gardenGnostic [GG] has ceased pestering ectoBiologist [EB]

True to what they had arranged, John, Rose, Dave, Jade, Roxy and Jane all went to the mall that weekend. Jane was feeling a bit nervous about shopping, as she usually did, especially with Roxy. Roxy was lean and muscular and tall, everything Jane wasn't. She couldn't help but feel self-conscious sometimes around Roxy. Her love of baking did not help with how Jane felt about her body, but some things were just not worth sacrificing, and cake was one of those things, in Jane's opinion. She tried not to fret over it too much in the dress shop, not wanting to take too long, mostly for the boys' sake. John wouldn't show it, but he wasn't one for shopping. And if Roxy's words about her cousin were to be believed, Dave would remain stoic as well, but he certainly didn't want to be there. Jane noticed Rose giving Dave a look, a cross between a smirk and a glare, and the corner of Dave's mouth wither ever so slightly into a frown. She, Roxy, Rose, and Jade all picked out a few dresses to try on. Jane wasn't entirely sure what she was looking for, other than something in a light blue color, and of course Roxy insisted on seeing everything Jane tried on. It was the 5th or so dress that Jane showed Roxy that absolutely astounded the girl.  
"Janey, it's that one. You… you HAFTA get that one," Roxy said, grinning widely. Jane looked down at herself, doing a bit of a twirl as she investigated the way the dress turned.  
"Oh? It's a bit short, isn't it?"  
"Janeyyyyy, please! 1- There are gonna be _loads_ of dresses shorter and more hip-hugging than that. 2- You're hot as fuck, stop worrying about your bod and love yourself and 3- YOU LOOK AMAZING. Pleaaaaase, get this dress. For me?"  
Jane furrowed her brow, taking a few paces closer to the hallway mirror. She supposed it was flattering, and simple. A sky-blue A-line dress with beading at the waistline and a cutout in the back. She glanced back at Roxy, who had her hands clasped together in a begging gesture, smiling as wide as she possibly could at Jane's selection. "Oh, alright, Roxy, I'll get this one."  
"YES! Rosie! Come see Jane's dress!" After a moment, Rose stepped out of her own fitting room, glancing at Jane.  
"Oh, that suits you, Jane," Rose said. Jane smiled.  
"Yours suits you, too," she answered, gesturing to Rose's current selection. It was a deep purple, almost like red wine, and a high neckline, almost like a halter top, with a bit of mesh on front until it came down into a sweetheart neckline, and a beaded bodice.  
"Oh, I'm glad you think so. I think I've decided on this one. Roxy, have you chosen yet?" Rose said, her voice bordering on impatient. Roxy wordlessly darted back into her fitting room, and emerged once more impressively quickly in a different dress.  
"Okay, okay, so _technically_ this isn't a dress," Roxy explained as Rose and Jane looked on, "but it's my favorite so far." Roxy was wearing what a salesperson would call a two-piece dress, but it looked more like someone had just cut the midriff out. It looked great on Roxy, in a bright pink, which was certainly her color, but it was far from conventional. Still, Jane smiled at her friend.  
"If that's your favorite, Rox, then you should get it."  
"I just _knew_ you would say something like that!" Roxy said before returning to the fitting room to get into her street clothes. Jane followed suit, and when she came back out, Jade was showing Rose her dress. It was a deep black dress with a green trim that matched Jade's eyes, the entire thing coated in sparkles. It looked as though the galaxy had been sewn into the fabric.  
"They call it the 3AM dress!" Jade said excitedly.

John and Dave waited patiently while the girls all tried on a variety of dresses and babbled about what each of them wanted. John had the slightest idea that Dave was feeling embarrassed, though he wasn't sure why.  
"Dave, are you okay?" he asked. Dave took a moment to respond, his shades making any reaction indiscernable.  
"Yeah, I'm fine…" Dave sighed. The boys both glanced over at the girls, who were all looking at Jade as she twirled in a dress that sparkled like the evening sky. John glanced back at Dave, then grinned, starting to understand what was happening.  
Once the dresses were paid for, they left the shop and headed up to the department store for the boys to get their dress shirts.  
"Rose… do you want me to match your dress?" John asked.  
"What?"  
"Isn't that… a thing you're supposed to go? Match with the person you're going with?"  
Rose smiled a light smile, notably different than her typical smirk. "John, I appreciate your being so considerate, but I know for a fact you'd prefer a blue shirt to a purple one. It sounds as though we'll be going in a large group, anyway, so I'd rather you wear what you like than accommodate me."  
"Oh… um, okay, if you say so," John said before joining Dave near the dress shirts. Dave was holding up a red one to himself. John raised an eyebrow.  
"What?" Dave asked surreptitiously, looking towards John.  
"Nothing, I just thought you might go for a green one," John answered, waggling his eyebrows a bit. Dave looked from John to the shirt he was still holding, then back to John, then over to Jade, where she was standing with the rest of the girls, back to John again.  
"You think I… OH," Dave said. John grinned at his friend. Dave was uncharacteristically bumbling over his words a little bit. "I see… you thought I had a thing for Harley."  
"Uh… you don't?"  
"No… I mean, Jade's cute and all, and we get along, but… I never thought of her that way," Dave said. John could tell there was something Dave wasn't telling him, though he couldn't be sure what it was. Dave looked a little uncomfortable, so John decided not press it any further. By the end of the day, everyone had a suitable outfit for Homecoming. Dave got his red dress shirt and a white tie, Rose commenting that only Dave would go for something as garish as a white tie, and John chose a dark blue shirt with a classic black tie, feeling satisfied with his choices.

The next week went by relatively quickly, and before anyone was prepared, it was the night of Homecoming. Jane practically locked John out of the shared bathroom most of the evening, but John tried not to hold it against her. It was clear she was very nervous about everything, and John took a chance to slip into the bathroom and mildly de-fluff his hair when Jane flitted away momentarily. John wasn't sure how the evening was going to go, but he wanted to at least look good. For… for no one in particular, he told himself, though he knew that wasn't quite true. He did want a chance to dance with Vriska. He still wasn't sure what drew him to her, but there was something there, he was sure of it.  
Jane had her own plans with Roxy, Dirk, and Jake, so her dad took her over to Roxy's while John's dad took him to Feferi's, picking up Rose, Dave, and Jade on the way. They arrived a bit later than the rest of their friends, unfortunately, but John kept his usual chipper smile. He walked through Feferi's back door, everyone else tailing behind him, and immediately spotted Vriska. She turned as she heard the door open, though she'd been walking the other way.  
"Hi, John," she called.  
"Hey Vriska!" he answered, making his way towards her. Rose followed, approaching Kanaya, and Dave hovered around Karkat and Terezi for most of the pictures. Jade, on the other hand, was sociable and flitted around from person to person, smiling alongside each one of them, until, of course, she got into a conversation with Karkat, who just never seemed to smile.

Jane tried to fake her cheer through the picture session, but there was still a sting in her heart from when she messed up with Jake. Jake, of course, had no clue, because that was just how Jake was. She saw how close he stood with Dirk, but only let her distress be visible when Dirk kissed the top of Jake's head. Dammit! Dammit, she cried internally, but she dared not say anything at risk of ruining the evening for the rest of her friends. Roxy seemed to tune into Jane's distress and remained at her side for the rest of the evening.

Jane and John said hello to each other again once they all arrived at the dance, Rose and Dave both choosing not to say anything to their respective siblings. Jade shot a wave from across the room at Jake, and then each group found a table to store their stuff. John, Rose, Dave, and Jade sat near Karkat's friends, who took up another two tables. Once they'd arrived, John felt a bit more on edge. Vriska was lively, dancing with Terezi and Eridan and even Equius a bit, as John waited for an opportune moment to cut in. Rose was with Kanaya, Dave was once again harassing Karkat and Terezi, and Jade had stepped outside for the moment. John sighed, finally peeling his butt from the chair and approaching Vriska.  
"Hey, Vris… wanna dance?" he asked, doing his best impression of Dave as he attempted to stay calm and collected. Vriska turned towards him, glancing up and down at John. He was the slightest bit shorter than her normally, and she was wearing heels. If she was intimidating before, she was even more so now. After a moment, she cracked a smile.  
"Christ, John, I thought you'd never ask," she said, taking his hand. John let out a laugh as Vriska pulled him in, and she joined in with her own cackle.

Jane finally managed to shake off her own inhibitions and anxiety and hit the dance floor with Roxy, but of course anxiety levels spiked right back up when Roxy pulled Jane out to the parking lot next to her car, where Jane stood nervously as Roxy popped open the trunk.  
"I brought a surprise, Janey," Roxy sang, coming around from the back of the car. Jane jumped a bit, glancing over at her friend, who was playfully holding out a bottle of vodka and waggling it at her.  
"Wha- Roxy!" Jane scolded. Roxy only answered with a bout of laughter. "Where did you even get that, Roxy? We're _17_ , for crying out loud."  
"Some dude in my computer programming class bought it for me. Dude was trying to flirt, I told him what my favorite was and he bought it for me. 'Course I told him I wasn't interested, but made sure to take the shit first!"  
"I… I'm not going to tell you what to do with your life, Rox, but I certainly am not going to partake," Jane muttered making her way back inside. She sank into her chair next to Dirk.  
"Where's Roxy?" he asked.  
"Outside, indulging in her usual habits. Where's Jake?"  
"He's still out dancing. But…I'm not quite as social as he," Dirk muttered. Both looked about equally upset. "Hey," Dirk started again, "there's no hard feelings about how things worked out, are there?"  
"Hmm? Oh. No, Dirk, I could never blame you for that. I messed up, trying to tell Jake about things. I'm trying to get through it. The last thing I would want to do is let all our friendships disintegrate over… some hurt feelings."  
"Good. I'm glad."  
They drew silent again, and then it was Jane's turn to break it. "Do you ever worry about Roxy?"  
"Of course I do. I wish she'd quit drinking."  
"Me too."  
"She may be my cousin, but she's stubborn as fuck and doesn't listen to me. That being said, Roxy probably has her shit together more than any of the rest of us, and at the end of the day, I trust her to follow her instincts about what's right."  
"I guess so."  
"She's the one who's been keeping shit together. As far as the friendship dynamic goes."  
"Dirk?"  
"Mm?"  
"You could have graduated early too. Why didn't you?"  
"Like I said, I'm not as sociable as Jake, or Roxy. Roxy thrives on attention… affection. She has no issue talking to new people and making friends. If I went, she'd be the only person I know, the only person I talked to. I'll go at my own pace. Plus, I didn't really want her dragging me off to parties all the time." Dirk finally cracked a smile.  
Jane laughed a bit. "I suppose that's fair," she said, still smiling.

John and Jane were both still feeling happy when they got home, though there was still most of the school year to get through. Jane was hoping things would be okay by the time she graduated, while John was hoping he'd survive his first crush.


	5. The Token Straight Friend

Chapter Five  
The Token Straight Friend

John woke up in the middle of the night to see his phone going absolutely apeshit crazy on the nightstand. He put his glasses on and picked the phone up, squinting at the bright screen.

turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering ectoBiologist [EB]

TG: hey egbert  
TG: i know youre probably asleep arent you  
TG: cause you actually sleep at normal human hours instead of evolving into some kind of nocturnal beast like me and dirk  
TG: im just gonna keep chatting here it keeps my mind occupied  
TG: dude i know you arent into musicals  
TG: neither am i usually  
TG: but rose made me finally listen to hamilton  
TG: shit is lit  
TG: full of founding fathers throwing sick fires at each other  
TG: reminds me of some of my stuff tbh  
TG: remember when i wrote that rap about obama  
TG: i could probably write some sick shit about this election actually  
TG: its been fuckin ridiculous  
TG: cant believe there are some people who have waited their whole lives to be able to vote and this is their first experience  
TG: what happened to bernie man  
TG: bernie was great  
TG: i would vote for him  
TG: if i were old enough to vote that is  
TG: honestly i think its bullshit that we have to be 18 to vote  
TG: doesnt this kind of stuff affect us too?  
TG: you know what else is bullshit?  
TG: the drinking age  
TG: like yeah you can vote and go to war and…  
TG: drive a car i guess  
TG: but god forbid a 19 year old wants to go to a bar  
TG: also that bullshit age limit doesn't do anything anyway  
TG: most people start drinking in college  
TG: if not sooner  
TG: just look at roxy  
EB: dave, what are you talking about?  
TG: you know im not sure at this point  
EB: its one in the morning and we have school tomorrow, why are you even up?  
TG: dunno  
TG: im kinda always up at this hour  
TG: didnt think you would be  
EB: i wasn't until my phone wouldn't shut up  
TG: oh shit  
EB: yeah  
TG: well do you want me to go  
TG: i can bug rose instead  
EB: no, you don't have to  
EB: just don't blame me if i'm not totally coherent  
TG: alright dude whatever  
EB: you said you were messaging me to keep your mind occupied?  
TG: yeah  
EB: um… occupied from what?  
TG: nothing in particular  
TG: im awake and im bored so i guess i was just rambling in the chat log  
EB: i guess that's no different than what you usually do :P  
TG: hey most of those aren't rambles  
EB: oh, no, not at all  
EB: especially not the 3 page rap about Armageddon  
EB: after you made fun of me for even liking that movie  
TG: i dont have to like a movie to rap about it  
TG: its called irony  
TG: the most ironic one to date was probably about princess bride  
EB: you don't like princess bride? :O  
TG: no because unlike you i have taste  
EB: i have taste!  
TG: dude you have a whole wall of macconnahey posters  
EB: mcconaughey!  
TG: sounds like a noise a horse would make  
TG: ie dumb  
TG: equally dumb are those posters of that clown youve got everywhere  
EB: those are my dad's  
TG: i meant nic cage  
EB: no way man!  
EB: cage is sweet  
EB: so sweet  
TG: yeah sure whatever  
EB: don't you have a shitty webcomic to be making?  
TG: sweet bro and hella jeff is the epitome of ironic humor  
TG: and im procrastinating  
EB: i thought you were working on the nancho party arc  
TG: john  
TG: i am truly touched by the fact that youre even keeping up with SBaHJ  
TG: but i bailed on that partway through  
EB: typical strider :P  
TG: maybe i should get some sleep  
TG: wouldnt want to mess up my coolkid reputation by saying something stupid from sleep deprivation  
EB: yeah, it would be a shame if everyone knew what a dork you actually were  
TG: no one's dorkier than you  
TG: anyway see you later

turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering ectoBiologist [EB]

John frowned. Dave had seemed all out of sorts, lately, and John wanted to help, but there wasn't much he could do if Dave didn't say anything about what was wrong. He was still feeling concerned for his friend the next morning, and he was sure it was showing.  
"John?" Jane asked him at the breakfast table.  
"Hmm?"  
"You alright? You seemed all out of sorts for a moment, there." John glanced down at his plate. He'd been quietly mulling over his food, wrapped up in his own head.  
"Oh. Yeah, I'm just… Dave was being weird last night."  
Jane raised an eyebrow. "Care to elaborate?"  
"Oh man, you sound like Rose when you say it like that," John sighed. "No, he wasn't very specific, but he was messaging me at like 1AM cause he wanted to get his mind off something else. Something is up…"  
"Well, maybe I can talk to Dirk and see if anything is going on," Jane said, trying to ease some of John's tension.  
"Hmm. Yeah, maybe. Dave won't just tell me about it." Jane patted John on the back, and the small act of reassurance lifted his spirits a bit.

Jane sat through her first class feeling mildly uncomfortable sitting next to Jake. The two hadn't spoken much since the Homecoming incident. Sure, Jake would ask her for help in class, but any time there was a suggestion for all four friends to hang out, Jake would bail in favor of spending time with Dirk, which Jane supposed was more Dirk's doing than Jake's, but she couldn't help but feel a bit forgotten. Still, Jane had to manage to find her voice before lunch, sitting across the table from Dirk and Jake, and cleared her throat a bit.  
"Say, Dirk, can I ask you something?"  
"Of course."  
"John told me that Dave was messaging him late the other night, and he's been all… out of sorts, I suppose. John seems worried, is anything going on over there?"  
Dirk was expressionless behind his pointed shades, quiet for a moment. "Nothing that I've… really been made aware of. It might be something between him and Bro, but fuck if either of them will tell me anything."  
"Ah. Well, thanks anyway," Jane answered, smiling at Dirk a bit. Just then, her phone went off. "Oh! It's Roxy!" she said, opening the Facetime call.  
"Janeyyyyy!" Roxy sang, grinning at her friend through the phone camera.  
"Hi Roxy!" Jane answered, matching Roxy's enthusiasm.  
"Janey go sit on the other side, I wanna see the boys!" Jane got up and switched to the other side of the table, managing to squeeze herself, Dirk, and Jake into the frame. "Hey everyone!" Roxy chirped again. "Okay, okay, I can't talk long but- get this. I am gonna throw a SICK Halloween party. Mom's gonna be gone, and I got some college buds with the hookup."  
Jane and Dirk exchanged a glance, recalling their conversation from Homecoming.  
"Top!" Jake exclaimed, jolting Jane out of her thoughts. "It's been a right shame not being able to do bugger all together." Dirk paused, then shrugged.  
"He's got a point," Dirk said.  
"Oh," Jane sighed, then smiled. "Sure, why not?

Jane wasn't the only one making Halloween plans. John was absentmindedly eating his lunch when Tavros began to say something. "Hey, guys, my parents are out of town," he said, "so I was thinking of, having a Halloween party, at my house maybe?"  
Vriska let out a laugh. "That's ballsy, Tavros. What happens if you get in trouble?"  
"Ummmm, I don't know… Rufioh's in charge."  
"Ohhhhhhhh, no nosey neighbor babysitting this time?"  
"I haven't seen Mr. Boxcars around the next couple days. I think it should be fine."  
"That sounds really fun, Tavros," Terezi said. John thought he saw her nudge Vriska in the side, Vriska giving Terezi the smallest of scowls. "It's been a while since we all had a party."  
"I've been meaning to host more!" Feferi said. "I think the holiday season will be better for parties at my house."  
"Th- that's okay, Fef, you shouldn't have to host all the time," Tavros answered. "So, yeah, you guys are all invited over for Halloween."  
"Halloween sucks, though," Sollux said. John looked up at Sollux, who was frowning a bit. Feferi glanced at Sollux as well. "Ah- fine," Sollux amended his statement. "Sounds like a plan then."  
"Yeah?" Tavros asked. The conversation continued for a bit, John glancing over at Dave, Rose, and Jade, smiling at them. He was hoping the party would be fun.

John's Pesterchum went off not long after he got home.

arachnidsGrip [AG] began pestering ectoBiologist [EB]

AG: Joooooooo  
AG: oooooooo  
AG: oooooooo  
AG: oooooooo  
AG: oooooooo  
AG: oooooooo  
AG: oooooooo  
AG: oooooooohn.  
EB: wow, that is a lot of 'o's  
EB: i am reading that like a really long 'june'

AG: It is eight groups of eight. I specifically counted them out.  
AG: It's sort of a thing I do.  
EB: you typed my name in 64bit  
AG: Wow. What a nerd!  
EB: hey!  
AG: Anyway, John, there was something very important I wanted to ask you.  
EB: oh, what's that?  
AG: Are you going to Tavdork's party?  
EB: ummm, yeah i think so!  
AG: Oh! Cause you never said anything at lunch today.  
EB: i mean jade and rose and dave and i didn't have any plans so i don't see why we wouldn't go!  
AG: Okay, cool!  
EB: why did you ask?  
AG: Just wanted to see if it was worth my time.  
EB: so you wouldn't go if i wasn't?  
AG: I don't know, I'd probably give it more of a second thought.  
AG: Tavros and I don't have the best history.  
EB: what do you mean?  
AG: Well, there's some messy stuff in a lot of my friendships, actually.  
AG: But let's not get into that right now.  
AG: See you Monday ;)

arachnidsGrip [AG] has ceased pestering ectoBiologist [EB]

John felt himself blushing as the last message appeared on the screen. He shut his laptop.

The next week went by pretty quickly, and soon it was Saturday- _Halloween!_ \- and John was digging a _Ghostbuster_ costume out of his closet from the year before. He'd been half-tempted to go trick-or-treating for a bit and _then_ go to the party, but that plan was dashed when Dave's bro offered to drive the four kids over to Tavros' place. They were some of the last guests to arrive, and the festivities had already arrived. Vriska's face lit up as she saw John come in the door.  
"John!" she said, catching him off-guard with a tight hug. John was grateful the room was dim, so nobody could see how red his face turned, though he did hear his trio of friends snickering behind him. Vriska pulled away. "You're just in time; we're playing 7 Minutes in Heaven."  
"Oh," John faltered. "Okay." He and Dave shuffled into place with the other boys as Rose and Jade crossed the room to the girls' side, Rose muttered something out of distaste. John gave Karkat a small wave as he entered the room behind Terezi, toting along Sollux with him.

"Vriska, please, this is so ridiculous," Sollux said, standing at the end of the line. "Besides, what the fuck has this got to do with Halloween?"

"Shut your lispy mouth, asshat," Vriska bit back. John was surprised at her aggression. "You don't have to play, but there's always the chance for some alone time with the freaky girl of your dreams." Sollux was quiet after that. "I have taken the liberty of putting all the ladies' names into this hat, and all the boys' into Terezi's. Tavros, if you would do the honors?" John looked on as Tavros fished a piece of paper out of Vriska's pirate hat.  
"Um, Aradia…?" Tavros said. Vriska bustled over, quickly ushering Aradia into the closet. John couldn't help but feel as though something was odd about the whole thing. Vriska seemed overly excited as she drew another piece of paper out of Terezi's police cap.

"And our lucky guy is... Equius Zahhak!" Vriska grinned. The amount of puzzled faces only emphasized John's feeling that something weird was going on, and that feeling only grew as Sollux left the room. John couldn't help but notice Tavros tugging Vriska outside once Aradia and Equius emerged from the closet. The crowd slowly dissipated, and John morosely followed Dave, Rose, and Jade into the kitchen, despite wanting to wait for Vriska's return.

"Man was that awkward," Dave muttered to his friends. The four of them had overtaken Tavros' kitchen table, whereas most of the others were still puttering around the living room.  
"Yeah," John answered. "There was something weird about that. Did you see how everyone reacted when Equius' name was called?"  
Dave and Rose exchanged a glance before Rose spoke. "I believe Dave meant the nature of the game itself."  
"Yeah, I just mean," Dave started, sounding a bit hesitant. "I don't see why it even has to be split by gender." John raised an eyebrow. "Listen, all I'm saying is not everybody is into the opposite gender, and we shouldn't assume that."  
"Dave, are you… are you gay?" John asked, finally beginning to understand what was happening.  
"Man, I wouldn't say that. I'm into girls, but I wouldn't mind dating a guy. I 'unno."  
"So… you're bi?"  
"Don't try and put a label on it, Egbert. I'm just saying, people are attractive. Why limit myself to one or the other?"  
John wasn't sure how to react. He didn't mind, he didn't think of it as a negative thing, but it certainly was a surprise. After a moment, he simply shrugged. "Okay, Dave, I guess that makes sense."

Rose smiled. "It seems a certain propensity for a… lack of heterosexuality runs in the family, dear cousin."  
"Yeah, Lalonde, I know. You're gay as shit," Dave said, smirking at her. John yet again found himself caught off guard.  
"What?"  
"Dude, Rose is the biggest lesbian to ever lesbian."  
"Dave! Try having a little tact!" Jade chirped. "You're going to give John a heart attack."  
John looked from Dave to Rose to Jade and back. "Wait, Jade, you knew?" he asked.  
"Yeah… we all knew about each other except for you."  
"To be fair, John," Rose started, "I only drug it out of Dave recently, and that was only due to uncanny knowledge of his mind through familial bonds. And Jade has been having her own problems."  
"Jade, you're not straight either?" John asked.  
"Well… I don't know! I've been doing a lot of reading, and I don't really know about sexuality! But, the romantic spectrum is a whole different thing, and I think I might be aromantic! I don't know for sure, but that's how I feel right now."  
John frowned a bit, despite not really being all that upset. "So… what you guys are telling me is that I'm the only straight person out of the four of us?"  
"Yeah, I guess," Jade said.  
"Guess you're the token straight friend," Dave said, smirking the slightest bit. "And… don't look now, but I'm pretty sure most of Karkat's friends aren't quite straight either." John had a passing thought of Vriska, but shrugged it off. Whether she defined herself as straight or not, she'd shown interest. He shrugged it off and enjoyed the rest of the party.

Jane was nervous about Roxy's party. Not only was it her first time going to a rager-type party, but she was also a bit wary about driving herself there. Jane was sure Roxy would let her stay the night if she needed to, but Jane wasn't planning on getting "hella drunk", as Roxy would say.  
She pulled up to Roxy's house to find about two dozen cars, starting in the Lalonde driveway and spilling out into the street. She found a spot to park around the corner, adjusted her costume—a store-bought "candy corn witch"—as she walked up to the door, and let herself inside. The party was in full swing, including a DJ and absolutely ridiculous strobe lights. Jane walked in with a bout of hesitation and made her way into the kitchen, setting up her cupcakes for the drunken crowd before beginning to search around for Roxy. Thankfully, the search didn't take long, as Roxy was the one to find Jane.  
"Janeyyyyyy~!" Roxy sang, drunkenly making her way through the dancing mob of people in her living room. Jane looked up, spotting Roxy in the most obnoxiously pink and purple costume she'd ever seen; it entailed furry legwarmers, a dangerously short tutu, a corset that looked the slightest bit _too_ tight, and a fuzzy hat with ears. Jane presumed it was a Cheshire Cat costume, or something of that ilk. "Janey Janey JANEYYY!" Roxy called again, all but stumbling into a hug.  
"Uh, hi, Roxy!" Jane said. "You know, when you said you were having a party, I didn't think you meant _quite_ this many people."  
"Is a college party, Jan. Jane."  
"Right…" Jane noticed the girl on the other side of the room who looked like she felt about as lost as Jane did. She was watching her and Roxy, looking as though Roxy had abandoned her there. "Uh, Roxy?" Jane said, pointing towards the girl.  
"Ohhhhhh man! I'm the fuggin' wrost, Jane. Youuuu haven't met Callieeee!" Roxy turned away, waving across the room. "CALLIE! YO CALLIE! OVER HERE!" she shouted over the music. The girl looked up, a bit startled, and began making her way across the room as well. "Callie, this is my bes frienddd in the WHOLE WIDE WORLD, Miss Janey Crockett. Crocker. Jane, thisss is the coolest tri—chick at Sakaia U, Calliope… um. Callie, whas… whas your last name again? Oh, oh, nevermind, I 'member, is Bennett… right?"  
"Oh, yes, that's correct!" Callie said. Jane was a bit surprised to hear what she believed to be a posh British accent come out of Callie's mouth. "It's a pleasure to meet you, Jane. Roxy's told me so much about you!"  
"Oh, yeah, it's nice to meet you too, Callie," Jane said, feeling a bit more at ease. Callie was friendly, and based on her skeleton costume, she had some real skill with makeup, though Jane was internally alarmed by how skinny Callie was, and not in a healthy way. Callie looked frail, but Jane didn't want to say anything, at risk of seeming rude. "Roxy, are the boys here yet?"  
"Aww yeh, they're upstairs. Dirky felt jus a teensy bit overwhelmed by the party. YOU ladies… shoul' get a drink," Roxy said, grinning. Callie and Jane both had the same response, which was to tell Roxy that it wasn't necessary, only for Roxy to _absolutely insist._ "It's a party, guys! One drink…inn't gonna hurt ennybody."  
"Well, um, I suppose not," Callie said. "Maybe something small and light."  
"I've got _just_ teh thing for you, Callie," Roxy said. "I 'unno wha you want, Janey... you can come mix a drink." Roxy puttered into her kitchen, Jane slowly following. She stood quietly, feeling out of place as Roxy stumbled around, pouring a glass of white wine—Jane assumed it was for Callie. Roxy paused, setting the glass on the counter and investigating the cupcake platter Jane had set up. A few had been taken, and one cupcake had at some point landed face-down on the counter, leaving a smear of frosting. "Jane, come _onnnnn_ , pour somethin!" Roxy implored her even further.  
"Oh, right," Jane said. She opened Roxy's fridge, peering inside and finding herself a jug of orange juice. She poured a glass and added a splash of vodka, making what was probably the world's weakest screwdriver, knowing Roxy wouldn't approve of the ratio, but simply hoping she was already too inebriated to notice. "So how'd you meet Callie?"  
"Ohhhh, we in the same… Lenglish class. And… Jane. I gotta… I gotta tell ya somethin'. Callie… she's so. Cute."  
"She is rather adorable."  
"No. Jane. She _cute_. Like. I wanna… I wanna kiss her cute lil face. I've never felt so friggin' gay in my life."  
"Roxy…gay?"  
"Psshttt, gay… bi… whatevskies," Roxy said, blithely unaware that she hadn't actually come out to Jane yet. Jane was struck with the sudden realization that Roxy's declaration made her the only straight person in the group. Roxy grinned, picking up Callie's wine glass in one hand and her own drink in the other hand, ushering Jane back out of the kitchen. The two girls rejoined with Callie, Roxy thrusting the glass into her hand before downing the remains in her own cup and snatching the microphone from the DJ booth. "Yo, lez do some fucking shots on the rocks! Rocks like Rox, like _me_ like BODY SHOTS!" The crowd erupted into screams, and Jane got a sudden feeling that it was going to be a very long night.

Jane's feeling was correct, as the evening didn't end before Roxy's head wound up in the toilet. She'd hardly seen Dirk and Jake, as she was trying to make sure Roxy didn't do anything ridiculously stupid, but it hardly seemed to matter.  
"Ugh. I think… I overdid it tonight, Jane," Roxy grumbled.  
"That's for sure. It takes a lot to make you get sick."  
"Ahah, it was fun though!"  
"Roxy… do you ever think you have a problem?"  
Roxy sat up, wiping the spit away from the corner of her mouth. "I might. I wanna… be better. But is… hard."  
"I know…"  
"I wanna quit, Jane."  
Jane wasn't sure how to respond, and it hardly mattered, because Roxy lurched forward towards the toilet bowl again, letting out another bout of vomit before a drunken laugh escaped her lips. "Roxy, you should go lay down," Jane said, picking her up. She let Roxy lean against her as they stumbled down the hall together to Roxy's bedroom, Jane struggling to hold both their weight. She had to force Roxy onto the bed. "I'm going to get you a glass of water."  
"Hmmmkay!"  
Jane made her way back downstairs to do so, the party having died down a bit. Callie was on the couch, seeming a bit more comfortable and making conversation with a boy who seemed only slightly inebriated, but she spotted Jane in the kitchen and approached her.  
"Hello, dear! How's Roxy?"  
"She's really done a number on herself. I… I'm sorry," she muttered.  
"Oh, no, don't be! To be honest, she shows up to class tipsy half the time, so I'm not quite surprised."  
"Oh dear."  
"Yes, it is quite a problem. I think she wants to quit, but—"  
"She does."  
"Good!" Callie chirped. Jane smiled at the girl, and the two both went back upstairs to tend to Roxy. Jane opened the bedroom door and let out a sigh, leaving the glass of water on Roxy's nightstand. She'd passed out.


	6. The Strider Brothers

Chapter Six

The Strider Brothers

Jane couldn't bring herself to leave the party. She wanted Roxy to wake up without feeling completely disoriented, and even if all Jane could provide was a friendly face, then she would do it, despite feeling quite uncomfortable. Once Roxy fell asleep on her bed (the party having wound down just a slight bit), Jane returned downstairs with Callie, hoping to run into Jake or Dirk, though they would probably be together. Jane's wish was immediately granted, as she spotted Dirk near the front door, the smallest twinge of sadness appearing behind his stoicism.  
"Dirk? Are you okay?" she asked, Callie looking on behind her.  
Dirk quickly composed himself, glancing over at Jane. "Yeah… yeah. Jake just left," he muttered, still seeming a bit morose, but he let his own emotions drop upon spotting the unfamiliar face. "Jane, you got a shadow there."  
"Oh dear! Callie, this is Dirk. Dirk, Calliope."  
"Dirk Strider," he repeated, shaking Callie's hand. "Nice to meet you." Dirk really could handle himself as far as introductions went, though Jane was aware he'd struggled with socialization in the past. He was remarkably holding his own as Callie shot off into conversation.  
"Dirk Strider? The name rings a bell."  
"Oh. I…" Dirk got uncharacteristically embarrassed. "I have a tumblr...I draw art and stuff…"  
"Ah! timaeusTestified, is that correct? My… ugh. My brother is a fan of yours."  
"What's his handle?"  
"undyingUmbrage."  
"Oh, really? You seem nothing like him."  
"Yes, well, we may be twins, but we could not be more different."  
"Well, I'm… it's nice to meet you," Dirk repeated. It was becoming more evident that Dirk was out of his element, surrounded by so many people. "Jane, where's Roxy?"  
Jane sighed. "She overdid it. Upstairs. Passed out."  
"Wow, it's only...oh shit, it's 2 in the morning. Still. Not like her to take more than she can handle." Jane noted Callie observing the conversation. She seemed unaware of just how serious Roxy's problems could get. "Think she'll feel it in the morning?"  
"Very likely. I was just holding her hair back over the toilet 20 minutes ago."  
Dirk hummed an affirmative, and peered just over the top of his sunglasses at Jane. She could see what was rarely seen; the emotion in his eyes. Dirk was certainly emotional but he didn't often let people in. He'd built a facade for his entire life, as had his brothers, all hiding behind their shades and cynical humor and walls made of burning stoicism and biting sarcasm. And when they slipped, it was in the name of "irony". Jane had only broken through two years prior, upon meeting Dirk in a math class, and she did it through sheer Crocker stubbornness and tenacity. So when Dirk's eyes met hers, she instantly realized what he was indicating, and gave him a small nod of recognition.  
She placed a gentle hand on Callie's shoulder. "Could you excuse us for a moment?"  
"Why yes, of course!" Callie chirped, before disappearing back into the main party room. Dirk nodded towards the front door, and he and Jane stepped out, taking a seat on the step.  
"So...Dirk. Are you really okay?"  
"I can honestly say that… I've been better."  
Jane's intuition, though not quite as sharp as Roxy's, twinged. "Is it Jake?"  
"Yeah."  
"Odd that he left, I didn't even get to say hello."  
"Jane?"  
"Yes?"  
"I...think I may be a terrible boyfriend for him."  
"Oh Dirk, honey, don't say that. Did something specific happen?"  
"Tonight? Yeah, I… I was overwhelmed by the party and we were upstairs, and he was trying to calm me down. We just… were taking some time, so I could breathe. Laying on the bed in the spare bedroom, and… I did something stupid. I didn't know he wasn't...maybe I should message him."  
"Dirk," Jane said, an amount of chiding in her voice.  
"I…" she could tell it was a struggle for Dirk not to crack and break down. She almost wished he would. The boy had too many pent-up emotions to possibly be healthy, and it wasn't as if they weren't close already. It would do Dirk some good to let it out and cry for a while. "I kissed him once I was feeling better, and… I don't know, I got caught up in the heat of the moment. Uhm. Let me know if I'm oversharing." Jane gave a curt nod. She was aware of Roxy's college escapades, though it seemed she'd been cutting some of that out in favor of, well, now Jane knew, it was in favor of pursuing Calliope. She'd never heard anything from Dirk or Jake, though Roxy had said something about Dirk not being a virgin, so talk like this wasn't exactly unexpected, though Jane didn't have any exploits of her own to share. "Well, Jake and I have made out before…he always seems a bit unsure but he's never told me no. Tonight I got a little over-eager, I suppose, and started undoing his pants, and he immediately pushed me off! He said that he wasn't sure if he was ready, or if he even would be any time soon, and… I don't know, it just made me feel really terrible, because obviously I recognized that...that kissing so intensely made him uncomfortable, and I kept doing it anyway. Because I'm a selfish asshole. And before we could sort it out, he left."  
"Well, to be honest I can't say I blame him, but… just give it time, Dirk. Maybe you can message him in the morning."  
"You're probably right… you usually are," Dirk said as he stood back up. "I feel bad, though. For you, I mean."  
"Why? You haven't done anything to me."  
"You and Jake don't seem as close as you did… before…"  
"Oh," Jane mused for a moment, letting herself frown a bit. "Yes, well, he hasn't exactly made it a point to talk to me so much anymore, but I don't blame you for that."  
Dirk didn't respond, but just looked into the street, tinted yellow with the fading street lamps. Jane watched him with a sense of curiosity, until he spoke again. "At any rate, I'm not feeling up to the party anymore; I'm going to head home. Need a ride?"  
"No… I'm going to stay and help Roxy clean up in the morning… make sure she's okay."  
"It's not the cleaning she'll need help with; she's gonna have to face the wrath of Rose," Dirk said, finally letting the smallest bit of levity and humor into his voice. Jane cracked a small smile, and tugged Dirk into a hug before he made his way across the street to his car.

It was nearing midnight when Dave nudged John in the side. Tavros' brother had told them it was time to start getting ready for bed, but John, Dave, Rose and Jade had never planned on staying. Everyone else started to move around when Rufioh (John thought that's what the older Nitram's name was?) appeared, and Dave stood and stretched out before moving towards Tavros.  
"Welp, thanks for the party, man," Dave said, the slightest bit of southern drawl eking out. John smirked to himself a bit, before turning to Tavros.  
"Yeah, I had fun, Tavros!" he said, only barely noticing the sudden frown on Tavros's face.  
"Are you guys… leaving?" Tavros asked them. Feferi was now standing near them as well, presumably also to say goodbye.  
"Yes, my dear cousin Braiden will be picking us up," Rose said.  
"Ugh, fuckin' bro…" Dave murmured, and John was thrown back to their late night Pesterchum chat. Clearly something was on Dave's mind, and John guessed, thought it _was_ only a guess, that it may have had something to do with their conversation about sexuality earlier in the evening.  
"And I have a curfew, sorry, Tavros!" Feferi said. Late curfew, John thought to himself. Tavros bade them goodbye as the four kids—followed shortly by Feferi—walked out to the curb. Thankfully, Dave's bro was already waiting for them in his truck. It was a tight fit, but they managed, and John gave Feferi a passing wave as they circled back around, while she was climbing into the front seat of a ridiculously expensive-looking car.

John had only barely gotten into bed, settling down around 1:30 AM—he had quite a nightly procedure due mainly to his braces—when he heard a knock on his window. He sat up, alert into his bed, and slipped his glasses back on as he approached the window. There was a small bit of roof outside his window, and a bit of a lattice underneath it, so it was feasible that someone was at the window, but needless to say, it still alarmed John quite a bit. He opened the window to see who it was, and sitting on the roof was Dave. He clambered in, pulling a backpack in behind him before John could even say anything.  
"Dave?"  
"It's a long story. Listen, I need to crash here for a while."  
"Wh- why?"  
Dave huffed for a moment, glancing around as he crumpled on John's bedroom floor. His sunglasses were slipping down his face. It was unusual for John to see Dave so flustered, so… emotive. "It's… fucking Bro, dude. I just can't… live with him anymore. It's really complicated."  
John shifted his glasses a bit, unsure of how to respond. He certainly wasn't going to turn Dave away in a time of need, but some explanation was certainly in order. "I thought you got along with Bro?"  
"Bro's a piece of shit!" Dave shouted, and a look of regret immediately crossed his face. "Just… listen. Listen. I just need somewhere to stay for about a month. Until Dirk turns 18."  
John fidgeted again, sinking back down onto his bed. Clearly there was a serious issue, and maybe Dave didn't feel comfortable talking about it. John didn't want to ask, but then Dave spoked again. "Bro does shit…says shit… he straight up leaves for months at a time, on 'business trips'… Dirk does okay because… I think it's because he's older. More resourceful. Me? I can't… I'm tired of fighting, John," Dave said, collapsing onto the floor. Finally, John found his voice.  
"Well of course you can stay here if you need to! But… we need to talk to my dad and Jane's dad in the morning. And make sure Dirk at least knows you're here. I… I understand if you don't want Bro to know, but Dirk should know you're safe."  
"Sure." The two boys were silent for a while, as Dave unloaded a thin sleeping bag from his backpack and laid on the floor. John threw a pillow at his head.  
"Hey Dave?"  
"Yeah?"  
"Why didn't you go to Rose's? You guys are cousins; it would make sense."  
"Please. I can't be surrounded by Lalondes. Especially Rose, she'd psychoanalyze the shit out of me." Dave chuckled a bit, and John laughed too, appreciating the small bit of levity.  
"Hey Dave… one other question," John said, feeling his own mood drop suddenly, the moment the question popped into his mind. "Sorry if this is awkward, but… did you ever have a crush on me?"  
John heard a long sigh, and a plop as Dave's head dropped onto the pillow. "Yes." John immediately felt guilty for asking. He knew it wouldn't affect their friendship, but it was still an awkward conversation. "Through most of middle school. Bro doesn't like labels, and Dirk is gay… but I never thought about it until I met you. I mean… we were like 12 so of course I didn't think about it, but when I started going through puberty, Bro would say things like 'guess you have to carry on the Strider name', and 'there's got to be one straight cousin, right, little man?'. And… I shrugged it off, because I could fake it. I could fake being straight because you clearly were, and there was no way you were gonna go for it. So I never said anything, to you _or_ Bro. For different reasons. And I told myself that when I got into high school I wasn't gonna stress out about it anymore. There are other issues now. There always are. But… yeah. TLDR; I liked you but thought it would ruin our friendship so I hid."  
"So…" John said, thinking on his words for a moment. He was befuddled by Dave's apparent eloquence that he was at a loss to find his own. Dave chuckled again.  
"Don't worry dude I'm over it. Don't make it weird."

John went downstairs relatively quietly the next morning, his dad and uncle already in the kitchen. He was sure he looked sufficiently awkward, the events of the previous night taxing on his mind, and both men noticed. John's dad reacted first.  
"John, is something wrong?"  
"Um… Dad… Dave kind of… showed up at my window last night, and… he needs a place to stay. Just for a while. Until Dirk is 18… next month."  
John saw his father falter with the baking sheet in his hand and his uncle look back over his shoulder. John felt a pang in his stomach as he waited for a response.  
"Well of course he can stay here." John grinned, a wave of relief washing over him.


	7. On the Ropes

Dave hesitantly explained the situation to John's dad, though he seemed less verbose than he was when he told John. John also had a feeling there was more to the issue than Dave being "not straight", but Dave was clearly in a fragile state. They'd hardly gotten the issue settled over breakfast when Jane came in after spending the night at Roxy's, in a frenzy as she came through the door, not quite paying attention.

"John… John! Have you heard from Dave? Dirk says he wasn't—oh," Jane said, looking up at the table.

"Hey, Crocker," Dave muttered, hardly looking up from his cereal. "I messaged Dirk."

Jane glanced back down at her phone again, scrolling through the messages until she noticed the update from Dirk.

timaeusTestified [TT] began pestering gutsyGumshoe [GG]

TT: Jane  
TT: Have you heard anything from John?  
TT: I just got home and Dave isn't here.  
TT: And I know you said John has been asking about him.  
TT: Shit, you're probably asleep already, aren't you?  
TT: Let me know, ASAP.

gutsyGumshoe [GG] is online!

GG: Oh dear!  
GG: No, I haven't!  
GG: I'll ask him as soon as I get home.

gutsyGumshoe [GG] is now an idle chum!

TT: Oh, right.  
TT: Don't sweat it  
TT: I got a message from him sometime last night.  
TT: He's at your place, actually.  
GG: As I just discovered.  
GG: Why is that, exactly?  
TT: Long story.  
TT: And I'm not sure how much the little dude wants me sharing.  
TT: Suffice to say Bro's care has been less than ideal.  
GG: Oh no!  
TT: I mean, the guy isn't even around half the time.  
TT: But Dave and I are gonna deal with it later.  
GG: Well let me know if you need help with anything.  
TT: Will do, Crocker. 

Jane glanced back up at the table. John had refocused his attention on his breakfast, and Jane let out a sigh. "Well, if that's all sorted out, I… really need a nap." Her dad grunted an affirmative, and Jane made her way upstairs. She'd slept at Roxy's, but it wasn't enough to make up for not only the physical exhaustion, but the emotional exhaustion she was feeling. She had half a mind to message Jake, but he hadn't spoken to her—without Dirk's presence—since before Homecoming. The thought of losing her friends was, to say the least, a troubling one. She tried not to dwell on it as she collapsed onto her bed.

The car ride to school the next day was sufficiently awkward. John's dad was driving, and the boys sat in the back. Dave was tapping away at his phone, and John couldn't help but be curious about who he was messaging. Eventually, Dave huffed and switched away from Pesterchum to the Notes app.

 _crocker is kinda hot_

"Dave!" John whined, squirming a bit. Jane peered over her shoulder to see what the commotion was as Dave quickly erased the message. John felt his face warm a bit. Dave was probably trying to make him feel awkward on purpose.  
 _stop reading over my shoulder then._  
John huffed, straightening himself back into his seat and taking his own phone out.

ectoBiologist [EB] began pestering arachnidsGrip [AG]

EB: so what's with the spider thing?  
AG: Whaaaaaaaat?  
AG: What are you talking about?  
EB: your spider thing  
EB: like  
EB: you're really into spiders, right?  
AG: I guess?  
AG: I have a lot of spider t-shirts.  
EB: and the 8 thing  
AG: Riiiiiiiight.  
EB: see? you did it just now  
AG: I know, John.  
AG: I don't know that there's a reason.  
AG: I guess I just like spiders.  
EB: do you have a pet spider?  
AG: …..  
AG: Yeah.  
EB: hehehehe  
AG: Why'd you even ask?  
EB: i dunno  
EB: guess i'm a little… curious about you  
AG: Aw, John.  
AG: That's cute.  
AG: Anyway, I gotta go.  
EB: okay  
EB: see you later  
AG: l8r  
AG: :::;)

arachnidsGrip [AG] has ceased pestering ectoBiologist [EB]

John leaned back. He truly didn't understand girls, or relationships. His dynamic with Vriska was a very interesting one. They flirted, if John was clear on what was flirty and what wasn't, but it was hard to tell how seriously Vriska took _anything_ , plus John was pretty sure she had something going on with Tavros. Well, they weren't an _official_ couple. Maybe…  
"Hey, Dave…" John muttered.  
"Hmm."  
"Would it be crazy to ask Vriska out?"  
Dave spluttered. "What?"  
"I dunno… I just kind of like her."  
"You mean ask her out… like on a date?"  
"Yeah, that's what that means, right?"  
"I mean, usually. I guess." John huffed at Dave's hesitance. "Listen, dude, I don't like Vriska. There's something off about her. But I'm not gonna stop you. Actually… might be good for you."  
"What do you mean?"  
"No offense, but you're pretty soft, Egbert. Maybe she could toughen you up."  
John frowned a bit. He didn't really like the idea of Dave thinking Vriska was tougher than him. Did that mean Vriska herself thought she was tougher than him? John set his jaw, a swell of determination rolling through him.

When John got to 3rd Period P.E. class, he changed very quickly into his gym clothes and rushed out to where everyone was waiting for the teacher so they could begin their stretches.  
"Hey, Vriska!" he called, jogging out to his spot. She turned to him, a smile on her face more akin to an actual smile rather than the smirk that she typically wore, and, in John's less than expert opinion, it looked like she had finally re-dyed her hair. John felt his heart skip a beat.  
"Hey, John!" she said, grinning. "How was your weekend?"

"Oh… um. Nothing special, haha! Just the party, and um… well, I thought you looked really good in your, um, pirate costume."

"Heh, your costume was pretty good too."

"Oh, wow, um. Thanks. Say, Vriska, what're you-"

"Uh, John? Your glasses are fogging up."

John turned very red for a moment, fumbling with his glasses to wipe them with his gym shirt, completely losing his train of thought. Vriska chuckled for a moment, then both her and John's attention was captured by the blow of a whistle. Ms. Mendicant was approaching, and the kids scrambled into place. John was a few rows in front of Vriska, and thus the conversation was cut short.

As the students found out in short order, they were facing the most dreaded day of the year: rope climb day. After the stretches, they were herded back inside and instructed to form a circle around the rope dangling from the ceiling. There was a small stack of what looked like moderately soft cushions underneath it.

"This is the best way to test upper body strength. Pull yourself up the… eh, about 20 feet to the top of the rope, and back down. Don't worry if you can't make it today. We'll be doing this a few more times throughout the year and I'll track your progress. Serket…" the teacher paused, glancing at Vriska's prosthetic, "considering your circumstance, you're excused."

"What, you think I can't do it 'cause I only have one good arm?" she scoffed at the teacher. "Move, losers." Vriska pushed her way through her classmates, and gripped the rope with both hands. John furrowed his brow. He hadn't thought about the fact that one of Vriska's arms just didn't have any muscles. Vriska got about halfway up before she started sounding winded, but John knew she was going to be stubborn about it. True to form, Vriska pulled herself all the way to the top, and John couldn't help but be impressed. He wasn't sure he'd be able to pull it off with _both_ arms, but he was still thinking about what Dave had said to him that morning about being soft. Vriska's smirk was back as she walked over to John.

"Alright, Egbert, you're up," Vriska said. John grimaced a bit.

"Ohhh… okay. Great," he muttered as he walked up to the rope. He gripped the rope tightly in both his hands. John didn't have a lot of muscle, and he doubted he could make it all the way, but he inched up bit by bit, hardly even paying attention to how far he was going. He didn't even think he was halfway before his arms started feeling like flubber and he was sweating like mad, fogging up his glasses again. He was about to give up when he heard Vriska's voice.

"Come _on,_ John! Don't be such a wimp!"

John gripped the rope tighter, ignoring the slight burn in his hands, and continued pulling himself up, until every inch of his arms were shaking, at which point he knew he had to go back down even though he _had_ nearly made it to the top. It was embarrassing, he thought, that Vriska had managed to outdo him, and he shuffled his way back towards her, rubbing his sore arms. Vriska was still smirking, but she punched John lightly in the shoulder as he walked past her.

"Nice job, Ebert. That wasn't totally pathetic."

"Uh. Thanks, I guess."

John's arms were still feeling a bit jello-ish when he got home that afternoon. He laid down on the couch as Jane took a seat in the nearby armchair. Dave resorted to sitting on the floor. Jane looked stressed as she kept glancing at her phone throughout the cooking show she'd put on.

"Jane, what's wrong?" John mumbled. His exhaustion was evident.

"My friends have become too busy for me," she said, sounding just about as tired. Her eyes lit up as the screen name golgothasTerror appeared on her screen.

GolgothasTerror [GT] began pestering gutsyGumshoe [GG]

GT: Greetings!

GG: Oh. Hello, Jake.

GT: Im not interrupting anything am i?

GG: Um, not really? I just am watching Cupcake Wars with John and Dave.

GT: Ah i see. I would be happy to message you again later if it would spare you any inconvenience.

GG: No, it's fine! It's really nice to hear from you, actually.

GG: I was beginning to think you'd forgotten.

GT: Forgotten?

GG: Yes… all four of us were supposed to hang out tomorrow and go to the movies.

GT: Right, my apologies jane, ive been quite scatterbrained as of late.

GT: but really it has been too long since you and i have really hung out.

GT: I have to admit its been a longer stint than i expected. Certainly one involving more downtime than i would have guessed.

GT: I really thought that senior year would be more exciting, what being the end of an era and all. But no, it seems what i am doing most is waiting around to hear from schools, twiddling my thumbs.

GG: Mmhmm.

GT: Not to say its been all downtime and doldrums. Exploring new clubs has been great. Finding friends and such. I wouldnt trade that for anything.

GT: And really we are getting close to something big happening regardless. Every day it seems like more and more anxiety is bottled up in everyone walking the hallways but graduation is quite soon in the grand scheme. Perhaps they just wish for something better.

GG: Mmhmm.

GT: I met this one girl in explorers club, i think shes in jade and johns grade, and she had this hulking brute of a lad with her, and they seemed to think that were all going to have wonderful futures. Honestly you and me and all our friends and siblings have incredible potential and talent when you think about it. Roxy and her early graduation, you being in line to inherit the crocker company, and… dirk, with his robots.

GG: That's nice, Jake. What did you actually want to talk to me about?

GG: Actually, why don't we just talk about it tomor—

GT: Okay we can talk about that if you insist.

GT: Really jane you sure know how to twist a fellas arm!

GT: I just wanted to get your take on what you might call my own personal ultimate riddle.

GT: It involves dirk.

GG: You don't say.

GT: Its true. I havent seen him in a couple days.

GT: I have been laying low for a while but i just received another series of pushy inquiries from him.

GT: Maybe i shouldnt be too hard on the guy since he was probably just concerned, not having heard from me and all.

GT: But i still couldnt help but detect a tone of desperation, like he could sense i may be having doubts.

GT: This kind of thing has been all too common unfortunately.

GT: Im not sure its going to work anymore.

GG: Mm.

GT: He can be so needy!

GT: If only he could just relax and trust that i wont spontaneously tire of his company.

GT: Although the irony i guess is that his overbearing tendencies are beginning to fulfill his own paranoid prophecy.

GT: Its such a shame. Weve had so many capital adventures together.

GT: I dont know why he has to be like this. He always was an intense fella. But in person... holy cow.

GT: I wonder if it has to do with the way hes grown up isolating himself? And now he doesnt know how to deal with people without suffocating them?

GT: But then again i grew up under similar circumstances and i think i turned out pretty much ok socially, at least i hope so. Do you think so jane?

GG: Mmmm!

GT: Actually it just occurred to me. Its funny he didnt mention the movie in his text.

GT: Im SURE he wouldnt have forgotten. He never forgets ANYTHING what with all his calculations and his computerized brain. Both figurative and literal.

GT: I wonder what his game was? He invited me to dinner without mention of the get together as a potential conflict...

GT: If he sensed i could use some space perhaps he was concerned that if we both showed up to your place would be awkward?

GT: Or maybe he didnt want to mention he was going over in case it would spook me away from attending?

GT: Argh! Do you see jane? This is what his endless machinations do to you!

GT: Anything he says could be part of some grand convoluted scheme and it just makes you agonize and boggle and wonder until your brain hurts and you just KNOW its a battle you cant win.

GT: You know what i mean jane?

GG: Mmhmm.

GT: Do you think i should just bite the bullet and end it?

GT: Its probably the right thing to do.

GT: Boy am i not looking forward to that conversation though.

GT: Its going to be a doozy. What did i get myself into here?

GT: I think ive made a lot of mistakes honestly.

GT: Not the least of which was getting this shitty tattoo, now that i think about it.

GT: Yes yes i know we all thought it was a riot at first.

GT: I guess it still is maybe? But lately ive been wondering if it might not have been an act of sound judgment.

GT: Can you believe that jane?

GG: Hmm!

GT: I dont know. Its a real pickle im in here but i do feel better just being able to get it off my chest.

GT: You are such a good friend jane, always ready to listen to my relationship woes. What a trooper!

GT: It never ceases to amaze me how excellent you are at this friendship business. Where would we all be without you?

GT: In a way you really have been the glue holding us all together on our adventure. Gosh youre a standup gal.

GT: Oh which actually reminds me of ANOTHER thing thats been bugging me about dirk.

GT: He can often be almost hilariously self absorbed. Dont even get me started on when he starts going off on these long monologues about his philosophical gobbledygook.

GT: I'm not sure he actually has much of a filter when it comes to what others regard as interesting points of conversation.

GT: Not to rag on the guy too hard but i guess at times i would just like to see a little more self awareness from him is all.

GG: Jake.

GT: Did i tell you what happened on our last outing together?

GG: Jake.

GT: I cant remember if i mentioned. Oh man but thinking back on what happened its even more ridiculous in retrospect.

GT: Where do i begin?

GG: Jake!

GT: What?

GG: Shut up!

GT: Huh?

GG: Shut up!

GT: Errr.

GT: Did i say something wrong?

GG: JAKE.

GG: PLEASE.

GG: STOP TALKING.

GT: I dont...

GG: JAKE.

GG: I SAID SHUT UP.

GT: Wha...

GG: JUST,

GG: SHUT,

GG: THE FUCK,

GG: UUUUUUUUUUP!

Jane slammed her phone on the side of the table, angry tears boiling in her eyes. John had already fallen asleep on the couch, and Dave only gave her a passing glance as she stormed upstairs. Jane had never felt so angry in her life, but… it was so infuriating. She was the one being left behind. Roxy was busy with college, and the only time Jake, and to a lesser extent, Dirk, talked to her, it was about the relationship and how it was crumbling and how could Jake _forget_ they were all going to get to hang out? Jane had planned it essentially right after the Halloween party, because that had turned into a total shitshow, and she was so excited to see them all together without Roxy getting shitfaced, but everything just felt pointless. It was always pointless.


	8. Reparation

Chapter Eight: Reparations

Sadly for Jane, nothing changed very quickly. She kept to herself mostly, for what felt like ages, until Roxy finally intervened a couple weeks before their planned Christmas party.

tipsyGnostalgic [TG] began pestering gutsyGumshoe [GG]

TG: janeyy  
TG: its time to stpo moping  
GG: I'm not moping.  
TG: dirk n jake both said u havent been talking to them or seeing them outside of school  
TG: an i know you an jakey kinda got into a fight last month but  
TG: rly were all ur best friends  
GG: Hardly.  
GG: Before the breakup, all they ever messaged me about was each other.  
TG: janeyyyy  
TG: come onnnn  
TG: you cant stay mad at them forever  
GG: I'm not angry with Dirk.  
TG: good!  
TG: come to the christmas party  
GG: No offense, Roxy, but I don't quite care for your type of party.  
TG: pfft  
TG: it isnt that kind of party  
TG: not this time  
TG: i havent evn been drinkin annymore  
GG: Oh?  
TG: yee  
TG: and this party would jus be the four of us  
GG: I'm not sure whether that makes it better or worse to be completely honest.  
TG: jane  
TG: i am litrally BEGGIN you  
TG: at least extend the friggin olive branch or something  
TG: i cannot stand all of us bein so sad and apart  
TG: an clearly none a you are gonna get together on ur own so CLEARLY its up to rolal  
TG: friendship doctor extraordinaireee

Jane was beginning to feel frustrated again. She didn't understand why Roxy was pushing it so much.

GG: Why exactly is this so important to you?  
GG: Don't you have college friends to hang out with?  
TG: jane :(  
TG: i miss hangin out wit you guys  
TG: truth is i rly havent made many friends here  
TG: jus guys tryin to get something outta me or ppl wantin to hang out at bars  
TG: which i OBVI cant do  
TG: im like such a bab here in college  
GG: You turn 18 in literally 3 days.  
TG: yeh i KNOW  
TG: theres like 24year olds in my classes  
TG: LITRALLY tryin to have sex with me like dude that aint even legal  
GG: By the way, I sent your gift.  
GG: I'm hoping it gets to you in time.  
TG: janeyyy you didnt hafta do that  
TG: i know its tough having me and dirk and jakeys bdays all stacked up on you, and right before christmas  
GG: Well it's too late now, I've already sent it!  
GG: So you may as well be happy about it :B  
TG: fiiiiine  
TG: but you don't gotta get me anything for Christmas  
GG: Roxy.  
TG: tell you what, comin to the party can be your gift to me.  
GG: Oh!  
GG: I suppose that can be arranged.  
GG: I just hope things aren't still awkward between me and Jake.  
TG: YESSSS okay two down one to go  
TG: i gotta go talk to dirkie  
TG: hes gonna be the tough nut to crack  
GG: Figures.  
TG: anyway byeee janeyyy luv yah 3

tipsyGnostalgic [TG] has ceased pestering gutsyGumshoe [GG]

Jane tended to the message that had come in while she was preoccupied talking to Roxy.

golgothasTerror [GT] began pestering gutsyGumshoe [GG]

GT: Hello there jane!  
GT: I apologize that weve left things on such an  
GT: Unpleasant note  
GT: I was just messaging you to let you know i received your birthday package  
GT: You're top for sending it even with our friendship on the ice  
GT: Jane  
GT: I was being a right arse  
GT: I can see why you lost your temper with me  
GT: I wish i could make it up to you  
GT: Jane?  
GT: Jesus christopher kringlefucker jane you cant just leave a guy hanging here this is some kind of malarkey!  
GG: Hi Jake.  
GG: I was talking to Roxy.  
GT: Oh shoot.  
GT: Is she shooting your ear off about the party  
GG: Not anymore, but yeah.  
GG: You're going, right?  
GT: I told her i would  
GG: Well…  
GG: Consider that making it up to me.  
GG: I should apologize too, though. I kind of lost my cool there.  
GT: Its so completely understandable though  
GT: I was plain full of codswallop  
GT: So no hard feelings then?  
GG: No hard feelings.  
GG: See you soon :B

gutsyGumshoe [GG] has ceased pestering golgothasTerror [GT]

Jane smiled. It was nice things were getting the slightest bit back to normal. Sure, it was still a bit odd that Dave was living with them, but that was coming to an end. Dave and John were sitting downstairs, John's father helping Dave look over the paperwork he was supposed to fill out in conjunction with Dirk in order for the boys to be able to leave Bro. Dirk was meant to become Dave's legal guardian as soon as he turned 18, which was in a couple of days, just before Roxy's. If that weren't coincidence enough, Roxy and Rose had the same birthday, and Dave and Dirk did as well, so Dave would be able to leave Bro's apartment on the day he turned 15.  
"This is bullshit," Dave muttered. John didn't know much about all the legalities Dave was dealing with, but he was sticking around for moral support. There had been a handful of calls to Dirk in the month Dave had been there, but it seemed Dave was mostly just messaging him via Pesterchum. John's dad had been incredibly helpful in dealing with the Striders' lawyer and serving as a third party in talking to Bro, something Dave didn't seem to have any desire to do. John's dad huffed as they all sat at the table, more in chiding at Dave's use of language. Dave was filling out the final forms of paperwork. From what John could read of Dave's shitty handwriting, it looked more to be an account of what happened to him while he was living with Bro.  
"Dave, this isn't bullshit," John's dad said. "I know you don't really want people to know what went on, but without an account of the events, they can't really do anything to help besides let you live with Dirk."  
"Dirk's gonna be an adult."  
"Which is why they can't really stop you two from leaving, but I've spoken with Dirk and he's had to do some official adoption paperwork to be named your legal guardian. This presents the possibility to convict your eldest brother on these charges."  
"Charges of what?" John couldn't help but ask. Dave bit his lip, then returned to scrawling on the pages. John's dad took a puff off his pipe, then glanced down at what Dave was writing. He grew very quiet for a moment.  
"Dave?" Dave paused writing, looking up at the man.  
"Yes… sir?"  
"You wrote that he threw you off the roof?"  
There was a long silence.  
"We used to…" Dave started, his voice trailing off for a moment. "He said it was training. Said I wasn't tough enough. He used to do it with Dirk, too, but Dirk is way stronger than I am. Bro said he was trying to make me some kind of hero, but..." John watched as his father placed a gentle hand on Dave's shoulder, and Dave calmed down a bit. "Things got out of hand once. He pushed back too hard and I slid off the roof onto the fire escape. Mr. Egbert, I don't want Bro to go to jail."  
"Hmm. I'll speak with your lawyer. They may just have him pay alimony, so you and Dirk can even afford to leave." Dave huffed a bit, but didn't say anything else. John wasn't sure what to do. Dave didn't like being fussed over, but he was responding well to Mr. Egbert's consolation. Dave sighed again, signed the last paper, then stood from the table. John furrowed his brow at him as he walked to the fridge.  
"Damn, Mr. E, are we out of AJ?" Dave said, his voice lighter. John snickered to himself. Clearly Dave's sense of humor was still in there somewhere.

John helped Dave pack that night. Dave hadn't brought many things with him, and had been reusing the same clothes. John remembered his dad seeing Dave wear the same outfit for the third time in a week, and after that he insisted on doing Dave's laundry. Dave protested a lot when John's dad offered to do things, but eventually he always let up. John thought that Dave probably secretly liked being taken care of. He wouldn't admit it, of course, but it sounded like Bro wasn't much of a guardian. Two days later (Dave and Dirk's birthday) John's dad dropped Dave off with Dirk, as they had some legalities to go over with their lawyer, and Dave seemed very hesitant. There was a strong possibility that Bro would be there, and Dave hadn't seen him, to John's knowledge, since the night he'd picked everyone up from the Halloween party. John's phone went off just as they were driving away.

turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering ectoBiologist [EB]

TG: hes here  
TG: of fucking course

turntechGodhead [TG] has gone offline!

John frowned. He didn't really know what he could do to help Dave, and the boys went silent for a few days in the midst of finals. John supposed Dave was busy, and he minded his own business.

The kids celebrated the end of finals and the oncoming holidays at Feferi's house. John couldn't help but be impressed by the Peixes mansion, and a small knot of anxiety tugged at him. Everybody had gotten so bogged down by studying, it would be his first time talking to Dave and Vriska outside of classes in a few weeks. John was nervous forDave in regards to his situation, but John was also nervous to talk to Vriska again. He felt like he always kind of made a fool out of himself in front of her, and she seemed a bit off-put by their last conversation, in which John suggested she watch _Con Air_. At any rate, John walked right into the party and plopped down on the couch between Vriska and Jade. Jade was surfing through the music channels and Terezi had been talking to Vriska, but they stopped chattering when John walked in.  
"Hey Vriska," he said, trying to sound a lot more suave than he felt. Vriska smiled at him and he felt his face warm up again. Luckily it was warm inside so his glasses wouldn't fog up.  
"Hey, John," she said warmly. John took that as a good sign. "Nice to see you."  
"Yeah… you look really nice tonight." John mentally smacked himself. He always thought Vriska looked good, but he felt like he was getting redundant in his compliments. He decided to change the subject. "Did you have a chance to watch that awesome video I linked you to?"  
"What video?" Vriska asked. John was vaguely aware that Tavros had just come into the room, but he continued focusing on Vriska.  
"You know… the one about the renegade hero who busted loose from the slammer to save the day."  
"John, the way you describe movies makes them sound extremely stupid. Why would I want to watch this crap?"  
"Just do it, you won't be sorry. I mean, when you are not so busy or whatever."  
"Uh, hey, guys," Tavros said, clearing his throat a bit. Vriska shifted on the couch, turning to face Tavros. John adjusted as the couch settled, slightly nudging his knee next to Vriska's.  
"Hey Tavros!" John managed to spurt out. He didn't want to make it seem as though he was ignoring him.  
"'sup, Toreadork?" Vriska said, in sync with John's greeting.  
"I, uh… got this. For you," Tavros stammered, shoving the present into Vriska's hands. John blushed. Why didn't he think of that?! Christmas present, _duh!_ Now Tavros had a leg up on him, so to speak.  
"This oughta be good," Vriska said, her voice a bit smug as she dug through the tissue paper. She wadded one piece up and tossed it lightly at John before she revealed what was in the bag. A small box of dice. She held it up and smiled a bit, and John couldn't help but be the slightest bit angry with Tavros, jealous that he'd thought of that. And then, Vriska's posture seemed to change. John couldn't quite tell what she was thinking, but her smile faded and her shoulders drooped for a moment, and then she laughed. It was a sharp, short laugh, and she was back to her usual self. John watched as she turned on Tavros  
"Nice present, Toreadork. Like I don't have plenty of dice."  
"I just thought, uh, I…" Tavros was at a loss for words.  
"'I, uh, um…' Please, Tavros, spare us all from your pathetic whimpering for a change."  
"But-"  
"What's your deal, anyway? I don't see you hauling in presents for anyone _else_. I know I'm special and all, but if this is your way of showing me that you like me, then forget it." John was standing up. He hated to see Vriska treat someone that way, but he couldn't find his voice for a moment. Tavros was redder than John had ever seen anyone, and he was questioning a little bit how that was physically possible. In that moment, John found his voice.  
"Vriska!" Vriska turned sharply to face him, a flash of embarrassment crossing her face. Tavros' wheels squeaked as he rolled himself into the bathroom. "What the hell are you doing?" John wasn't sure where that was coming from.  
"What?"  
"You're being really mean. He was only trying to be thoughtful."  
Vriska softened a bit.  
"I didn't…"  
"'sup, everyone?" Dave's voice came from the entry way. John turned towards him and Vriska took the chance to leave the room for a moment, pushing past Dave a bit. John moved to follow, but Dave put his hand on John's shoulder, stopping him. "Nope."  
"But I-"  
"Nope. Pop a squat, Egbert."  
John groaned, but did as he was instructed and sat down at the kitchen table.  
"So how're things going?" John asked.  
"Hmm?"  
"With the lawyer and the move and Bro?"  
"Keep it down, dude, I don't want you shouting my issues to the whole world," Dave hissed a bit. "We got it all worked out. He has to send Dirk a couple hundred every month, but Dirk's had a stash for a while. Got an apartment across town. Oh, and they instituted a restraining order."  
"Why?"  
"So the dude who's been using me as a workout can't show up at school." John winced at his on obliviousness. "He apologized. Said he didn't realize how hard he was pushing me. He wants me to forgive him." The boys were quiet for a moment. "We left after that. Never answered."  
"Do you think you could?"  
"What, forgive him? No way in hell. Can we talk about something else?"  
"Yeah, sorry."  
The boys chattered idly, John noticing when Vriska came back into the main room, but choosing to give her some space. That seemed the best way to proceed after their previous conversation.

Jane was glad she'd decided to go over to Roxy's. The group dynamic seemed to be slowly repairing itself, though she noticed the continual tension between the boys. Well, it was to be expected. She was just glad things were relatively back to normal.  
"Oh! Guys! I forgot to tell you," Roxy beamed excitedly. "I've been sober for almost two months!"  
"ROXY!" Jane shouted. "That's incredible!"  
"Mmmhmmm, yeah it is! I had Rosie go through all my stuff, since I didn't think I could empty everything without emptying it into myself."  
"Nice job, cuz," Dirk drawled.  
"I say, Dirk, how is everything going with your brothers?" Jake asked.  
"Dave and I have our own place now. All the way across town from that fucker," Dirk's voice dripped with contempt. "Can't believe Dave didn't think he could come to me. We've always strifed together, and I knew Dave struggled but I never considered it to be abusive."  
Jane furrowed her brow. "Did you ever see any of these incidents?"  
"Only the time Dave slid off the roof. Kid didn't have good footing. Man," Dirk looked down, his head slowly sinking into his lap. Roxy leaned across the table, placing her hand on Dirk's back.  
"What's wrong, Dirkie?"  
"I'm a shit older brother. I should have known this was happening. Should have done something to help."  
Jake leaned over a bit, resting on Dirk's shoulder. "You're helping now," Jake muttered. Dirk looked up sharply at Jake, their eyes lingering for a moment before looking away from each other.

Later that night, after she'd returned home, Jane's phone buzzed with messages from Dirk.

timaeusTestified [TT] began pestering gutsyGumshoe [GG]

TT: Hey.  
TT: I never actually apologized to you.  
GG: You don't have anything to apologize for.  
TT: Yeah well.  
TT: I still think I've been pretty lousy to you. I had my head up my ass for a while there.  
TT: By the time this get-together came around, I was kinda freaking out about Jake.  
TT: I thought I had the situation under control. But I didn't. Not just with Jake, but with respect to pretty much everything.  
GG: I understand.  
TT: I yelled at him last week.  
GG: Ah.  
GG: I had a similar meltdown with him a while ago. I'm not going to lie. It felt really good.  
TT: Heh.  
GG: At least, it did at the time.  
GG: I don't think I really have feelings for him anymore though.  
TT: Jane, you know,  
TT: We probably should have talked about this Jake stuff a long time ago.  
GG: Tell me about it.  
TT: I don't know if I was kidding myself all that time that there was a conflict of interest between us, or what.  
GG: Same.  
TT: Maybe I was just pretending your feelings for him weren't a factor because my pursuit of him was already overcomplicated enough.  
TT: Or maybe it was more like I was aware of them, but on some level decided they shouldn't matter, because I felt like you had a natural advantage over me.  
TT: Cause you know. You're like.  
TT: Not a dude.  
GG: But I always felt you had the advantage over me too!  
GG: Because you're…YOU.  
GG: You make things happen, and I don't.  
TT: Yeah well. Turns out maybe that's not such a good quality if you wanna make a relationship last longer than three seconds. At least not in my case.  
TT: I know I ripped into him pretty hard.  
TT: But the truth is I was pretty goddamn overbearing.  
TT: Sometimes I look back on stuff and think I might have essentially bullied him into a relationship with me.  
TT: While fighting with myself about what to do. Part of me knew I was wrong.  
TT: My instability scared him right the fuck off. There were times when I basically treated him like shit without even realizing it, and I regret it.  
TT: I should probably tell him that, but given how I called him an asshole last time we spoke, I'm probably the last person he wants to hear from right now.  
GG: Clearly we both used some poor judgement.  
GG: Looking back, it seems crazy to me that we both jeopardized our friendship over a mutual infatuation with, let's face it, one spectacularly goofy kid.  
TT: Can we both at least agree we may have overrated the allure of Jake English?  
GG: YES.  
TT: Maybe if we could have talked to each other about him it would have helped. Like talked about why we felt that way about him.  
TT: At least maybe it would have helped up knock English off the ludicrous pedestal we put him on.  
GG: Yeah. That might have saved us a lot of grief.  
GG: It's not like I hate him now. He's still my friend.  
GG: But the extent to which I centered my whole life around a childish fantasy about him is just painfully embarrassing in hindsight.  
GG: I wonder if I'll ever be able to look at him without feeling miserable about myself?  
TT: So does that mean we're both totally over him now? I can't really tell.  
GG: Me neither. :\  
TT: I guess the real problem is our clique was too small.  
TT: Poor Jake was the only viable romantic target. I mean, considering our respective orientations.  
TT: Maybe we just never knew enough people?  
GG: Perhaps.  
GG: Or maybe we just don't need anybody.  
GG: As anything other than friends, I mean.  
TT: In the interest of appeasing the bitterness gods, let's go with the latter.  
TT: Though I have to be honest.  
TT: If he were to ask me to get back together I'm not sure I would say no.  
GG: That's fair.  
GG: I think you two could be a good couple if you work on some things.  
TT: Yeah like not fucking self-destructing any time he doesn't answer a text within 5 minutes?  
GG: Yes, like that kind of thing.  
TT: Noted.

timeausTestified [TT] has ceased pestering gutsyGumshoe [GG]


	9. Christmas

Chapter Nine: Christmas

Christmas itself came pretty quickly, and Jane and John were about equally excited. It was true that they didn't have a conventional household, but that didn't stop them from having _wonderful_ Christmas mornings. Jane was gifted a new Ron Swanson poster and a DVD set of Columbo, among various baking utensils, and John got a magic kit, as well as a book on paranormal lore and _The Dummy's Guide to Computer Programming_. His friends had also given him gifts, but he refrained from opening them in front of his family, as it seemed rude that he'd gotten more presents than them (plus he was pretty sure he could guess at least two of them). However, after they'd wrapped up—or rather, unwrapped—opening the gifts from under the tree, John took his three remaining presents into his room. As John had predicted, the box from Dave contained a mixtape full of whatever Dave was working on and a SBaHJ card.  
 _hey so not to be overemotional sappy trash but youre a pretty cool guy. i mean youre not actually cool youre like the biggest dork to ever dork but youre really chill and basically my best friend. i couldnt do much for christmas this year cause of the situation and all but here are my sickest rhymes. dont blame me if the sick fires are so hot your headphones spontaneously combust.  
-dave  
_ Okay, that was actually pretty sweet, John thought. He moved on to the next one, a box wrapped with a silver-white snowflake-patterned wrapping paper and a lilac ribbon John could guarantee had been deemed "elegant" by a certain Miss Lalonde. Inside the box, after John ripped it open, he found what looked like a knitted hat in an overly plush, soft yarn. He picked up the note.  
 _Merry Christmas, John. I'd been mulling over what to do about Christmas presents for a bit, and after deciding to do homemade presents this year, I remembered you in particular always seem to get cold this time of year. Now, a scarf would be more in my repertoire but I felt you might appreciate this a bit more.  
-Rose  
_John put the hat on. It was really soft, and it looked like Rose had used smaller needles than she typically did, as the stitches were very close and tight, for maximum warmth. It was true, John often complained in the winter about the tips of his ears getting cold, especially with the metal of his glasses. There was only one more gift left, and that was the one from Jade. She'd explicitly warned him not to shake it, as he was one to do, and that warning only made him more curious, but he'd managed to refrain until that moment. Inside the box (which was quite haphazardly wrapped, quite similar to the ones John had given to his friends) he found a small glass bowl, filled a little less than halfway with soil, and it contained 3 small plants—succulents, John thought—and a yellow salamander made out of clay. It was _adorable._  
 _Merry Christmas John! Guess what—these plants are some of the last ones I brought from the island. I gave a terrarium to Dave and Rose as well, so we can all raise some! I thought it would be cool if we were all able to grow them at the same time. I guess succulents aren't really in season but oh well! Hope you like it :)  
-Jade  
_John smiled. His friends were far too kind to him. He took the hat back off, set the succulent down on his desk, and put Dave's disc in the computer to rip the songs into iTunes before darting downstairs, already feeling the warmth of the oven hit him about halfway down. Jane was in the kitchen.

Jane's favorite thing about the holidays was getting to bake about a dozen different recipes with her father, and usually her uncle as well. John, however, entered the kitchen with much contempt.  
"John, come decorate the sugar cookies with us!" Jane said, smiling at her cousin. John squinted at her, held up the can of frosting, and investigated it.  
"Betty Crocker," he hissed. "Disgusting. Are the cookies her brand too?"  
"No, John, I made them from scratch."  
"Good," John muttered, taking one of the unfrosted cookies from the cooling rack and biting into it. "Your recipe is way better anyway."  
"John! Those are for family!"  
"I _am_ family."  
"You know exactly what I mean."  
John simply stuck out his tongue at his cousin before taking another bite into the cookie. To her credit, Jane Crocker was one _hell_ of a baker. And John didn't even care for baked goods, typically. He hated the copious amount of Betty Crocker products in the house, but Jane was heir to the company. He couldn't blame her for actually using the product. Jane, however, was more invested in decorating the cookies than bickering with John. She knew there wasn't much time before their grandparents showed up, so she went back to her work. John simply tried to stay out of the way, but he did snatch another cookie before plopping onto the couch with his phone in his hand. The group chat was beginning to go off a bit, now that (John assumed) everyone had done the obligatory Christmas Morning events. There was always a bit of a lull between unwrapping presents and extended family showing up.

gardenGnostic [GG] opened a memo in group: sex drugs and shrek

GG: merry christmas guys!  
EB: christ, i forgot our group chat was named that.  
GG: courtesy of mr. strider :P  
TG: you guys talking shit without me  
GG: nooooo of course not  
TG: sarcasm really isn't your bag is it  
GG: i'm sorry we can't all be as cool as you mr. coolguy mcsunglass pants  
TT: Ignoring my cousin for the moment, how is everyone's mornings going?  
TG: up yours lalonde  
TT: I trust you all received your presents.  
EB: yeah! thanks so much, rose, it's super warm  
EB: i actually just finished opening all three of the presents  
EB: they're so nice!  
GG: aw im glad you like it john!  
EB: actually dave i haven't listened to the music yet but the note was nice  
TG: jesus dude i give you the gift of sick ass beats  
TG: something actually not dorky to listen to  
TG: and this is how im repaid  
TT: Don't be so melodramatic.  
TG: you telling me not to be melodramatic is the highest point of irony ive seen in a month  
TG: and coming from me that's a pretty big fucking deal  
EB: i hope you guys like your gifts too  
EB: i'm kind of terrible at shopping  
GG: i haven't opened it yet, gram-gram said jake and i had to wait to open all our presents until grandpa gets here  
TG: gram gram  
GG: yes.  
TT: Dave, I take it you and Dirk will be joining us here at the Lalondes' for dinner?  
TG: jesus fuckin  
TG: yeah  
EB: have fun guys!  
EB: my dad's gesturing for me to get off the phone now  
EB: he probably wants me to pointlessly clean something  
EB: so… merry christmas!

"John, can you make sure the bathroom is clean? You know how Nana is," his father requested. John groaned a bit but ultimately nodded, and moved to get the cleaning bucket out of the spare closet.

After John finished the chores requested of him, he cleaned himself up a bit, wanting to look a _bit_ more presentable. He combed his hair a bit and put on his blue collared shirt from Homecoming, just as someone knocked on the door. He heard his uncle call, "I got it", and grabbed his phone before leaving his room.  
Christmas was a relatively slow affair, just a lot of chatter as family members slowly made their way in and appetizers were put out. John didn't have a lot of contribution to make to the conversation, so he spend a decent amount of time flicking through different apps on his phone (even though his father chided him). Eventually, Pesterchum went off.

carcinoGeneticist [CG] opened memo on board FRUITY RUMPUS ASSHOLE FACTORY

turntechGodhead [TG] responded to memo.  
TG: what  
ectoBiologist [EB] responded to memo.  
EB: hey, i am here.  
EB: oh, hi dave!  
TG: hey  
EB: what is going on in here?  
TG: some kind of asshole rumpus looks like  
CG: Everybody shut the fuck up, I hate you both, etc. etc. etc.  
CG: Now that the pleASANTRIES ARE OUT OF THE WAY, THERE IS IMPORTANT BUSINESS TO DISCUSS.  
TG: why are you typing in all caps  
CG: MY FINGER SLIPS ON THE BUTTON FROM TIME TO TIME.  
CG: BUT SHUT UP.  
CG: THIS MEMO IS NOT ABOUT WHICH GUY CAN MANAGE TO BE THE HEFTIEST DICKBAG TO ONE ANOTHER.  
CG: IT IS NOT ABOUT WHICH ONE OF US WILL MOST DECISIVELY TAKE THE OTHERS TO SCHOOL, WHERE THEY WILL RECEIVE A VAST HELPING OF "OH SNAP" RAMMED DOWN THEIR THROATS.  
CG: THIS IS AN IMPORTANT CONVERSATION WHICH I BELIEVE NEEDS TO TAKE PLACE HERE AND NOW, SO YOU WILL BOTH SHAPE YOUR SHIT UP AND PERHAPS BEGIN TO APPROXIMATE PEOPLE WHO AREN'T EXCRUCIATINGLY RETARDED.  
TG: ok later windbag  
CG: STRIDER FUCK OFF  
CG: AND BY FUCK OFF I MEAN FUCK OFF RIGHT BACK HERE AND LISTEN, YOU INSUFFERABLE PRICK.  
EB: yeah, dave, don't go!  
EB: i think we should listen to what he has to say.  
CG: YES, LISTEN TO HIM, DAVE.  
CG: AS DUMB AS EGBERT IS, HE IS SMARTER THAN YOU.  
CG: BUT I'M SMARTER THAN BOTH OF YOU AND WHAT YOU REALLY NEED TO BE DOING IS LISTENING TO ME.  
CG: SO DAVE, TRY TO KEEP ALL THOSE SICK FIRES CHECKED AND THOSE STOIC LIPS PURSED FOR A GODDAMN SECOND  
CG: AND TAKE THIS SIMPLE BIT OF FRIENDLY ADVICE:  
CG: STOP HITTING ON TEREZI IMMEDIATELY, IT'S FUCKING EMBARRASSING TO WATCH.  
TG: nah  
EB: haha, dave you're hitting on terezi? Really?  
TG: no  
TG: but whatever he thinks im doing im not going to stop  
TG: the guys jealous obviously he thinks his girlfriend has a thing for me and you know what hes probably right  
TG: but what else is new just another lady mackin on me whatever chance she gets  
CG: OH, HA HA! IF SMUG WAS A MOTORCYCLE, IT JUST JUMPED OVER A FUCKING CANYON.  
CG: THE CROWD GOES WILD WITH DISMAY, AND THEN COMMITS MASS SUICIDE.  
EB: karkat, is terezi really your girlfriend?  
CG: GUESS WHAT THIS CONVERSATION IS ABOUT! NOT THAT PARTICULAR TOPIC.  
CG: ALSO GUESS WHOSE BUSINESS THAT STILL ISN'T, FUCKING YOURS, THAT'S RIGHT.  
TG: pretty sure she is  
TG: or he thinks she is or something  
TG: why else would he be in a tirade about this  
CG: ROMANCE IS MUCH MORE COMPLICATED THAN WHAT YOU UNDERSTAND.  
TG: right  
TG: sounds like its time to get a clue she is over you dude  
EB: this is such silly drama  
EB: who cares, jeeeeeeeez.  
CG: YES, EXactly. Who cares?  
CG: Which brings me to a related point of business.  
CG: John, don't think I didn't notice how many E's you just typed.  
CG: That's got to stop too.  
EB: what does?  
CG: Stop flirting with Vriska. I'm fucking serious.  
EB: what!  
EB: no way. vriska's cool, i'll talk to her all i want!  
CG: You jackass, you have no idea what you're getting yourself into.  
CG: She's dangerous, and you're blundering right into her hypercompetitive mindfuck.  
CG: You are both fucking hopeless, I give up.  
TG: k then bye

Another chat popped open on John's screen.

turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering ectoBiologist [EB]

TG: dont tell karkles i said this  
TG: but he might have a point about vriska  
TG: she definitely paralyzed tav and also i think is the one who blinded terezi

John didn't answer, just frowned at the screen. He had no idea how far back everyone's past went. Maybe she _was_ dangerous. He went back to the memo.

CG: You don't get it.  
CG: I do acknowledge that as much as it makes me sick to my stomach, these girls are clearly flirting with both of you pretty hard.  
CG: The fact that they have swept you both into their sick games is sadly what makes this obvious. It's what they do.  
EB: oh gosh  
TG: what dude i thought you liked her  
EB: i don't think i have ever actually liked a girl before in that way so i am not really sure what i am supposed to feel or do…  
CG: Somehow I regret even bringing this up.  
TG: you just sound bitter  
TG: not like you actually have our best interests at heart  
TG: i bet one of them rejected you  
TG: probably tz  
TG: or both  
CG: FUCK. OFF.  
TG: haha wow bingo  
TG: see how i look right now that's a poker face might want to take some notes  
CG: First off I CAN'T fucking see you.  
CG: Second off even if I could, I guarantee all I would see is a coward behind dark eyewear clearly designed for women and a pair of impudent lips pursed so tight it'll sound like air squealing out of a balloon when I punch you in the gut.  
TG: oh god stop talking about my lips thats the second time  
TG: ok youre clearly gay and youve probably got some issues about it

There was a long pause, nobody so much as typing in the memo. Normally, Karkat would have blocked everyone. After a while, one last message appeared in black.

carcinoGeneticist [CG] has closed the memo

Once again, another conversation buzzed in John's phone.

arachnidsGrip [AG] began pestering ectoBiologist [EB]

AG: Hi John.  
EB: oh, hey there, vriska.  
AG: John, are you mad at me?  
EB: um…no?  
AG: Then what's the matter?  
EB: i dunno, i should probably be socializing with my family.  
AG: I never understood how you're so sentimental.  
EB: yeah, i know.  
EB: but how do you feel about your family?  
AG: It's just my sister and my mom.  
AG: And I never liked my mom that much.  
AG: Things have been pretty chilly between us. I spend most of my time avoiding her. Haha.  
EB: that…  
EB: is too bad.  
AG: John.  
AG: Are you suuuuuuuure you're not mad at me?  
EB: no!  
EB: why would i be mad at you, vriska?  
AG: Because of the way I acted last weekend!  
AG: We haven't exactly talked since then.  
EB: oh. Right.  
EB: i…actually almost forgot about that!  
AG: Would it help if I said I was sorry?  
EB: why would you need to apologize to me though?  
EB: i mean, tavros deserves an apology more than me i think…  
EB: we were all pretty confused about it.  
EB: uh…  
EB: are you there?  
AG: Yes, I am here.  
AG: Sorry, I wasn't sure what to say for a moment.  
AG: I am relieved you are not angry with me.  
EB: heh, i don't really think i have much reason to be angry.  
AG: I don't know, John. People resent me a lot but you seem to get me.  
AG: That's why youre special.  
EB: shruuuuuuuug!  
AG: 33333333  
EB: so…  
EB: is that what you wanted to talk to me about?  
AG: Yes.  
AG: Well.  
AG: Not exactly.  
AG: John, I do really bad things.  
AG: I know I do.  
EB: well, how do you feel about it?  
AG: Horrible!  
AG: But I don't want people to think I'm weak.  
EB: oh…  
EB: i guess i understand.  
AG: Do you?  
EB: i don't know, it sounds like growing up was pretty rough for you.  
EB: you have to act tough to make it, in your mind, and have a sense of how to fight, right?  
AG: Uh, yeah.  
EB: i think if you feel bad, it just means you have a conscience.  
AG: Yeah, but I've done bad shit before and never felt this awful!  
AG: Like, growing up I had to steal from people just to get food in the house.  
AG: My mom held my well-being hostage, basically.  
AG: God, I know how this sounds! But it was my responsibility to feed everyone!  
EB: i guess that is why you didn't get along with her?  
AG: Hell yes.  
EB: i see.  
AG: Yeah, but I never felt anything about it. It was just normal life for me.  
EB: but you finally hurt a friend, and… not so cool anymore?  
AG: Yeah. OH!  
AG: Ok, that's not quite right. I accidentally-on-purpose fucked up Aradia.  
AG: Man, I always forget about her.  
EB: uh.  
AG: And, yeah, I pushed Tavros down the stairs.  
EB: …  
AG: But man, that was years ago.  
AG: I was always really obsessed with being the best at stuff, and I guess I was such a confused kid!  
AG: I am sorry, John, I'm just trying to be honest with you.  
EB: ok, well i appreciate the honesty.  
EB: but i have to go.  
EB: it's time for dinner.  
AG: Okay  
AG: Bye, John.  
AG: Merry Christmas.

ectoBiologist [EB] has ceased pestering arachnidsGrip [AG]

It was half true. It was just about time for everyone to sit down for dinner, but John tapped out one more message to Dave in the other window, the one he'd initially ignored.

EB: i think you guys might be right about vriska :/  
TG: yeah and  
TG: i think karkat just asked me out.


	10. Dropping the Ball

Chapter Ten: Dropping the Ball

John had no idea how to react to the sudden development that Dave and Karkat were going on a date. It had come out of nowhere on Christmas night, and the event, as far as John knew, probably happened before he saw either of the boys on New Years'. Feferi was throwing another party to ring in the new year, and John was incredibly tempted to ask Dave or Karkat how their date went, but if he knew either of them mildly well, Karkat would just curse him out, and Dave wouldn't quite want to talk about it. At least not with him. There was a good chance he'd talked to Rose—meaning Rose dragged it out of him—but John knew it wouldn't be the best idea to ask. When he walked into Feferi's house, Sollux was slumped on the couch, staring blankly off into space, Feferi sitting next to him, and Rose and Kanaya were practically in each other's laps at the kitchen table. He noticed Vriska at the far end of the couch, and their eyes met for a moment, before John went to the drink table, where Terezi was pouring herself a drink.  
"Hey, Terezi," John muttered, picking up a cup. He mulled over the punch ladle for a moment, then wound up pouring himself a glass of root beer.  
"Hey John."  
"Hey… you're pretty close with Vriska, right?"  
"We used to be closer, but… I don't know right now, actually, the friendship's kind of been at odds. Why do you ask?"  
John glanced back at Vriska again, who was tapping away on her phone, then let out a sigh. "No reason."  
"Listen, she's a hard one to get a hold on," Terezi said, plopping her hand on John's shoulder. "Don't stress yourself out about it."  
"Heh. If you say so." John could have found a place to sit next to Vriska, but decided against it. Instead, he found a spot at the table between Jade and Dave, who'd just walked in, and opposite Rose and Kanaya.  
"Hey Rose, hi Kanaya!" John said, sliding into the chair. Dave nodded at him.  
"Hello, boys," Kanaya said. She turned her attention directly to Dave. "So how exactly is it that you wound up on a date with my cousin a few days ago?"  
Dave huffed. "It's a long story, Papaya." Kanaya frowned. "Karkat is a—"  
"Karkat is a what, you useless fucking shitweasel?" Karkat said, appearing in the archway.  
"Always with the pet names," Dave muttered.  
John tuned the conversation out, as it mostly consisted of Dave and Karkat ranting at each other—endless rants was something they had completely in common. Instead, John couldn't help but notice Tavros as he rolled in. Tavros went immediately to Vriska. God, John was getting so tired of the love triangle bullshit, but still a twinge of jealous jolted through him as he listened to the conversation.  
"Hey, Vriska," Tavros said.  
"Oh, heeeeeeeey, Tavros. What's with that stupid grin? You look like you won the fucking lottery. Which is impossible, 'cause it implies you winning."  
"I was just saying hello?"  
"Yeah, well… ugh. Whatever."  
"Sorry, uh, for bothering you."  
"Hey, it's all good. Just got to remind you who's really in charge of the relationship here."  
"R-relationship?"  
John's face heated up in anger and jealousy as he overheard this conversation. "Please, Tav," Vriska said, "you know you and I have always had something." Vriska's eyes met John's, and John, incredibly flustered, turned away, back to Dave and Jade and Rose.  
"John, are you okay?" Jade asked.  
"Yeah… yeah, just thinking about my resolution for the New Year," John said, trying to keep his mind occupied.  
"New Years' Resolutions are bullshit," Karkat grumbled. Dave leaned over, whispered something in Karkat's ear, and Karkat turned beet red, elbowing Dave in the stomach. "WAIT FOR THE BALL TO DROP AT LEAST, YOU ASSHOLE!" Karkat slumped off and found a place to sit next to Sollux.  
"Jesus, what a crab," Dave muttered.  
John furrowed his brow. He didn't fully understand _anything_ that was happening with his friends. Dave and Karkat were becoming an item, apparently Rose and Kanaya were becoming an item, and Jade was happy with just herself. So John felt a little left out on the New Years' celebration. He'd wanted a midnight kiss, but the likeliness of that happening seemed slim. He felt very tense just thinking about Vriska.

Karkat's voice jolted John out of his thoughts after a while, the clock nearing midnight.  
"You piece of shit! You spiked the goddamn punch!" John shifted in his seat, watching as Karkat threw his glass of punch in Gamzee's face. Gamzee just laughed.  
"No wonder Tavros looks worse than usual," Vriska said. Holy shit, Tavros was totally drunk. John snickered a bit, then noticed Vriska's hand on Tavros' knee. His heart was pounding. Having romantic feelings was _awful._ John watched as Vriska sat on Tavros' lap. He wanted to leave the room and spare himself from having to watch, even if he was rejecting his own feelings, but his anxiety about the situation was leaving him frozen in his seat. Rose and Kanaya were sitting _even closer_ together, if that were even possible as the countdown got closer. Dave was with Karkat. Sollux was with Feferi. And Tavros was with Vriska.  
"What're you doin'?" Tavros slurred.  
"I was gonna kiss you at midnight, you drunk fool," Vriska hissed. John's ears were attuned to every word.  
"Ahah!" Tavros said. From where John was sitting, it looked like Tavros pushed her off. Was… was he rejecting her? Did John's chances suddenly shoot right back up again? Was that something he even wanted anymore? Vriska was standing awkwardly, glancing around the room at the attention Tavros was bringing to them. "I, uh, no. Nnnnno. You don' wanna kiss meeeee, you! Jus' wanna make… John… jealous." Vriska blushed, shooting a panicked glance at John, who, in turn, also blushed. "An anyway!" Vriska turned back to Tavros as his rant continued. "I don' think I wannaaa kiss you, anymore. You're uhhhh, a mean. Person. You are mean to me. I don' like it. And if I haaaad to geuss, I don' think that, uh, mister John likes it very much, either." Well, Vriska certainly had her moments, but John was still very much confused about how he felt about her. "I know… most of us? Don't like it either. And uh, that's just. Sad. Vriskers. That most of us don't really like you? You're… too mean, Eheheh. Gamzee! Can I have anudder drink?"  
The room was absolutely silent, except for Gamzee's wild laughter. _Holy shit_ , John thought. There was no way that just happened. Vriska, seeming incredibly embarrassed, ran out of the house, John still frozen to his chair with shock. He half-stood, but was having a difficult time wrapping his head around what he just witnessed. Feferi stood up, trying to shift focus back to the party.  
"Hey guys! The countdown's starting!" she said before plopping back down next to Sollux. John watched the ball drop, trying to shake the image of Vriska, distressed, fleeing from the house, out of his mind as he counted along. "10. 9. 8. 7. 6. 5. 4. 3. 2. 1!" It was a dull moment, not nearly as climactic for John as he was sure it was for his friends. He hoped Jane, at least, was having a better time.

Jane was not having a better time. She felt just as out of place as John did, serving as what seemed like a fifth wheel. Jake and Dirk were not quite a couple, but it seemed like they were on a path of repairing the relationship. At least, that was Jane's take on it. At the very least, they'd become incredibly close again, and Jane couldn't help but feel on the outskirts. Roxy was being incredibly flirty with Calliope, who didn't seem to know how to handle it, but Jane admitted to herself that they would indeed be a cute couple.  
"Thank you for inviting me, Roxy," Callie said, smiling.  
"Of course, Callie, babe," Roxy cooed, leaning on Callie's shoulder. Jane noticed Callie blush lightly, but she didn't reciprocate Roxy's advance. Roxy was clearly disgruntled, but her smile never faded. "Jane, can you help me with something in the kitchen?" Jane was hoisted up by the arm before she could even answer, Roxy all but dragging her into the kitchen. "I don't get it, Jane. Callie and I hang out together, we both think the other is friggin' adorable… why isn't she… ugh." Roxy slumped her head onto the counter in defeat. If Jane didn't know any better, she'd think Roxy'd had too much to drink. Thankfully, there wasn't anything in the house.  
"Roxy, there's always the possibility that she's… you know. Straight?" Jane suggested. Roxy guffawed at her.  
"Janey, we met at an LGBT club."  
"You told me you were in the same English class?"  
"Right. Well we are but I noticed her in the club first. I mean like school club not like club club. Anyway, yeah, I'm pretty sure she isn't straight, but she's not responding and it's _killing_ me."  
"Hmm," Jane tutted, not sure how to respond.  
"Janeyyyyyy, _help meeee_."  
"Roxanne Lalonde, I am the _last_ person you want to ask about relationship advice."  
"Did you just call me _Roxanne?"_ Roxy laughed. "Janey, that isn't even my name! You're ridiculous."  
"Roxy, I'm afraid there's a good reason I haven't reciprocated your advances," Calliope's voice came from the kitchen doorway.  
"Oh shit!" Roxy sat upright, and Jane froze in her spot. "Callie! I hope… you didn't hear too much of that."  
"Pish posh, there's nothing to be embarrassed about. Your feelings have been made quite clear, and if I am to be honest with you, and myself, for that matter, I have a bit of a crush on you myself. The truth is, I'm afraid I won't be around much longer," Callie said, looking a bit morose, "and I would hate for you to get attached only to be later devastated."  
"Callie, I'm already attached," Roxy said, smiling softly at Calliope.  
"Why do you think you won't be around much longer?" Jane asked, moving the slightest bit towards Callie.  
"Well, um, you see… I've been diagnosed with cancer. I've been doomed since the beginning." Jane had no idea how to react, and Roxy's hands were clapped over her mouth.  
"I… I'm sorry," Jane managed to sputter out.  
"Callie, no!" Roxy said, darting around the counter to hug Calliope. "Calliope, all I want to do is make you happy."  
"But—"  
"Shhh. Listen. Calliope." It was rare, at least in Jane's experience, for Roxy to use actual names. It was a sign of seriousness. "Calliope. However much time you have left, you don't need to suppress your feelings just 'cause you're afraid I'm going to be hurt later."  
"But Roxy, I—"  
"No, Callie, I _want_ you to be happy! You of all people deserve it!" Roxy's voice raised, tears pooling in her eyes. "Let me take you out and kiss your face and tell you how beautiful and amazing you are."  
"Wuh—I—um. If you want to do all those things…"  
"And… and maybe you'll pull through, Callie. You've made it this long."  
Callie smiled weakly at Roxy. It was a smile that Jane could read, saying 'that's unlikely but I appreciate the sentiment'. Roxy couldn't see this message in Callie's face, or if she could, she was choosing to ignore it in lieu of being pointlessly hopeful.  
"Okay, Roxy, I… I want to be happy. With you. Since… since we both like each other, we may as well make the most of it," Callie conceded, still smiling softly at Roxy, but the emotion behind it shifted. It felt more genuine, and only got wider as Roxy nuzzled into her cheek, and then gave her a small peck on the lips. Callie's eyes widened in surprise, and then blushed. Roxy grinned at her.  
"And you don't gotta wear these wigs anymore!" Roxy said, nodding at the curly white hair on Callie's head. Callie looked incredibly unsure as she slowly slid the wig off, revealing her natural hair, or what was left of it, barely growing back, Jane assumed from chemo therapy. Callie was clearly embarrassed, but Roxy assured her once again that she was adorable, and the two left the kitchen holding hands, leaving Jane standing in the kitchen by herself, absorbing everything that had happened in less than 5 minutes.  
"Wow," she muttered.  
Roxy and Calliope shared a kiss at midnight, and Jane could have sworn she spotted Jake peck Dirk on the cheek, but instead of feeling jealousy or awkwardness, she felt content. Yes, it sucked not having a kiss, but her friends were happy and Jane knew she had a place.

A fight broke out in school the next week, crowds of people clogging the halls. As John passed by, attempting to make his way to class through the clusters of people staring, or gossiping in the halls. John couldn't help but pick up on one piece of information.  
"Did you hear? Aradia Drogg beat the _shit_ out of Vriska Serket."


	11. Biting the Bullet

Chapter Eleven: Bite the Bullet

turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering ectoBiologist [EB]

TG: so hows vriska after her beating  
EB: i don't know, i haven't talked to her.  
EB: she dumped some kinda heavy stuff on me on christmas and i haven't really spoken to her since.  
TG: oh man  
TG: i thought you were the one who took her to ms paints afterwards  
EB: um…no.  
TG: weird  
TG: so youre that mad at her  
EB: i'm not mad at her  
EB: i just  
EB: i don't know.  
TG: doesn't seem like she really knows either  
EB: i feel like she was just trying to get my attention  
EB: or deliberately trying to make me jealous by wanting to kiss tavros  
EB: which sucks for everyone involved  
TG: are you jealous though  
EB: a little!  
EB: not that it really matters  
EB: she can do whatever she wants i guess  
TG: dude  
TG: just ask her out if you like her so much  
EB: i thought you thought she's dangerous.  
TG: yeah i do actually  
TG: but listen i know I told you to stay away from her but i cant really stand you being so mopey and sad  
EB: what?  
TG: youre my friend i want you to be happy  
EB: ha  
EB: gay  
TG: yeah that's me  
EB: how's that going, by the way?  
TG: what  
EB: your thing with karkat  
EB: you two are like, boyfriends or something, right?  
TG: man what  
TG: no hes not my boyfriend  
TG: were just  
TG: hanging out  
TG: idk  
EB: lol why are you so embarrassed?  
TG: shut up  
TG: shut up is why  
EB: and here i thought you were the super-slick coolkid  
EB: and you know  
EB: karkat's pretty adorable  
EB: er  
EB: strictly speaking from an aesthetic viewpoint.  
TG: dude  
TG: whos gay now  
EB: still probably you!  
EB: the one literally dating another guy!  
TG: nah  
TG: youre one of us  
TG: i have proof now  
EB: pffft  
EB: whatever.  
TG: you right tho  
EB: about what?  
TG: karkat being adorable  
TG: dont you dare screenshot that  
EB: too late!  
EB: i am _so_ tempted to send this to rose.  
TG: dude seriously don't  
TG: every time i try to talk to her about this shit  
TG: assuming shell understand the whole 'dating the same gender' thing  
TG: she does her pseudo therapist thing  
EB: oh man  
EB: i hate when she does that  
TG: shes always talking about toxic masculinity or some shit  
TG: anyway  
TG: back to the important thing which is not me and my relationship or lack thereof because were definitely NOT BOYFRIENDS  
TG: ask vriska out or something  
TG: you guys have been doing this wishy washy 'will they wont they' bullshit for a while  
TG: worse than ross and rachel  
EB: you watched friends?  
TG: ironically  
TG: ross is a shitlord anyway  
EB: he kind of is, actually.  
TG: but yeah fucking do it already  
EB: :B  
EB: i'll think about it.  
TG: k good luck dude

turntechGodhead [TG] has ceased pestering ectoBiologist [EB]

Dave was probably right. John hadn't spoken to Vriska in a couple of months, since Christmas, and it was early February. Oh! Valentine's Day, John realized. That would be perfect. John still wasn't sure if it was a _good_ idea to ask Vriska out, but if he was honest with himself, he was tired of thinking about it so much. He'd had a crush on her practically since they first met, and he was still kicking himself for not biting the bullet and asking her to Homecoming. At least he'd gotten to dance with her. And, Vriska was starting to change, it seemed, owning up to her mistakes instead of wearing them proudly like badges of accomplishment. John was done listening to Karkat. His resolve was set.

John didn't want to waste any time, once he'd finally made up his mind. The first class of the day that he shared with Vriska was P.E., and that wasn't until 3rd period, so he sat through his first two classes in a fit of nerves. But it was less jarring than it had been before, because at least he knew Vriska liked him. That had more or less been confirmed, especially if Karkat was showing some kind of concern. Karkat was some kind of romance _expert_ , and he wouldn't have issued a warning against Vriska unless he thought there was a chance that she was reciprocating John's feelings. Right? John was reasoning with himself, attempting to find some kind of assurance against the fear of rejection. He made his way outside from the locker room, notably passing Karkat and Gamzee as he did so, and found Vriska outside, looking uncharacteristically morose.  
"Uh… hey, Vriska," he said, not sure what he should be feeling at that point. Anxiety was threatening to turn his entire stomach into one solid knot. Vriska jumped a bit, then turned to face him.  
"Oh! Hey, John!" she said, attempting to show some kind of enthusiasm. "What's up?"  
John's heart started doing cartwheels. "Well. Um." He cleared his throat, hoping it would cause some kind of upheaval of his awkwardness. It felt like Vriska's gaze was bearing into his soul. "Well, um," he repeated, "Valentine's Day is coming up, and I was just wondering if you… well… if you'd want to… maybe do something? With me?" he blurted, eyes closed and hands balled into fists at his side. John was sure his face was beet red, but the response he was expecting—Vriska's sharp laughter—didn't come. He opened his eyes, face still warm, to see Vriska blushing as well.  
"W-what?"  
"I w-was wondering if you'd want to maybe hang out with me for Valentine's Day… you know… like a date?" John let himself crack the smallest smile to break the tension. He wrung his hands together.  
"I…I just… wow," Vriska said, sounding completely stumped for an answer. John's patience was beginning to wear thin. It was a yes or no question. "I mean, yeah! I'd love to hang out!" she finally said. "I'm just surprised… you haven't been talking to me a whole lot lately."  
"Yeah… I'm sorry about that. It probably wasn't the best reaction. I mean. You were confiding in me and all." John heard the familiar whistle blow, signaling the beginning of class. "Anyway just message me later! We'll work something out."

John's Pesterchum went off nearly immediately after school, but it wasn't Vriska.

carcinoGeneticist [CG] began pestering ectoBiologist [EB]

CG: EGBERT  
CG: WHAT THE EVERLOVING FUCK DID I WITNESS TODAY?  
EB: did your finger slip on the button again?  
CG: NO, I'M JUST THAT PISSED OFF, YOU ASSWIPE.  
CG: I DELIBERATELY GAVE YOU PERFECTLY GOOD DATING ADVICE AND YOU WENT AND DID WHATEVER THE SHIT YOU WANTED ANYWAY.  
EB: i never asked for your advice.  
CG: DO I LOOK LIKE I GIVE A FUCK?  
CG: VRISKA SERKET IS A DEMON CHILD. SHE WILL CHEW YOU UP AND SPIT YOU OUT.  
CG: I WAS TRYING TO SPARE YOU THE PAIN BUT INSTEAD YOU'RE ACTING LIKE I'M BEING A TOTAL SELFISH PRICK FOR TRYING TO HELP YOU OUT.  
CG: DO YOU KNOW HOW ANGRY THAT MAKES ME?  
CG: I COULD SHIT MILES OF RAGE SNAKE TO CHOKE US BOTH TO DEATH.  
EB: ew  
EB: what reason would i have to think you were actually trying to help?  
EB: from my perspective it looks like you told dave to stop flirting with terezi because 1) you used to like her and 2) you wanted dave for yourself  
EB: so it seems like you're actually the selfish one here.  
CG: OUCH WOW OKAY FUCK YOU.  
CG: AND BESIDES, WHAT WOULD I BENEFIT FROM TELLING YOU TO STOP HANGING OUT WITH VRISKA?  
CG: EVEN IF I DID THINK YOU WERE CUTE AT SOME POINT IT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER ANYMORE.  
EB: i don't know, you really hate her for something!  
EB: maybe it's payback!  
EB: maybe you're trying to emotionally hurt her or some shit  
EB: wait you thought i was cute?  
CG: DAMMIT  
EB: do i just attract dudes or something?  
CG: DON'T FLATTER YOURSELF, YOU'RE ABOUT AS ATTRACTIVE AS A CROCODILE THAT GOT HIT BY A TRUCK, YOU FUCKJAMMING ASSPIMPLE.  
EB: fucking  
EB: you're really such a jerk sometimes.  
EB: go suck dave's dick or something and stop giving me a hard time.  
EB: i will hang out with whoever i want to hang out with  
EB: romantically involved or otherwise  
CG: FINE.  
CG: DO WHATEVER THE FUCK YOU WANT  
CG: DON'T COME CRYING TO ME WHEN YOU'RE NOTHING BUT A WRITHING PILE OF ASSMAGGOTS AFTER YOU GET BURNED HARD BY THE MOST VILE BACKSTABBING BITCH EVER TO WALK THE PLANET.  
EB: i won't, cause that's not gonna happen.  
CG: SHE'S TOTALLY SHITHIVE BONKERS BUT OKAY.

carcinoGeneticist [CG] has ceased pestering ectoBiologist [EB]

"Wow, what a crabby asshole," John muttered to himself. He did think the 'suck a dick' comment was a bit much, but John didn't resort to insults nearly as much as Karkat did. Karkat probably told himself worse on a daily basis. Eventually, Vriska did message him, and the two worked out all the details for that weekend. The plan was to meet at the mall and go to the movie theater. They were hosting a Nic Cage marathon (even though John preferred Matt McConaughey), and then afterwards John thought he and Vriska could get some ice cream or something. It was his first time going on a _real_ date, and he had no idea how to make sure everything went smoothly. Nervous was an understatement. He had to wipe the sweat off his forehead before getting out of his dad's car at the theater to meet up with Vriska.

"Hey John!" he heard as he walked towards the theater entrance. He turned around to see Vriska waiting for him. She looked really cute. Not overtly feminine—that wasn't Vriska's style—but cute, in a pair on dark wash jeans, a white t-shirt with a cobalt blue blazer pulled over it, and red sneakers. John tugged at the ends of his button-down. He hadn't been able to decide whether to tuck it in or not and was still feeling self-conscious about it.

"Hey Vriska," he answered, still fidgeting with his hands. "Uh, you ready?"  
"Yeah, do you have the tickets?"  
"Yeah," John smiled, then blushed as Vriska grabbed his hand and pulled him inside the movie theater.  
"Then let's go!"

Vriska insisted on paying for the popcorn, and John repaid her by buying the ice cream afterwards. She got Rocky Road; he got Cookie Dough.

"You know," Vriska said between bites, "you really caught me off guard here."  
"What?"  
"When you asked me to hang out. I thought I'd… I thought I'd severed all ties with everyone who ever even remotely cared about me."

"Why's that?"

"Cause I'm a gigantic asshole. I told you, I've done some terrible shit."

John thought for a moment, plucking his spoon back down into the ice cream. "Nothing is unforgivable, though."

Vriska paused. "You think?"

"Well… yeah. Have you ever apologized to the people you hurt?"

"I guess… I guess I haven't."

"Well then that's probably the first step to feeling better about stuff, right?"

"Yeah… hey John…"

"Hmm?"

"Thanks for not giving up on me," Vriska said, smiling a bit before leaning in and giving John a quick peck on the cheek. John felt himself blush cherry red.


	12. Cancerous

Spring was beginning to come around, and with it, a lot of tissues and sniffling. John and Jane both had terrible pollen allergies, but their enthusiasm could not be contained. It was nearing April, and with April, their birthday! Everyone agreed it was odd that John and Jane had the same birthday, but it seemed to be a pretty common theme among their friends. However, due to some hectic scheduling (Jane was stressing about her last finals even though it was still early) they decided to have an early birthday party. A small one, nothing too extravagant. Neither of them were the type to go over the top. Just John and Jane, their dads, and the Striders, the Lalondes, and Jade and Jake (the "Harlenglishes?"). Jane, of course, baked the cake, which was _delicious,_ and the 8 kids sat around playing Cards Against Humanity for several hours, all echoing laughs that varied from subtle chuckles and quiet giggles to obnoxious cackles and snorts.  
"It's a game of 'know your audience'", Roxy'd said before they started. John smiled. Roxy was so endearing. They got along pretty well, even though Roxy was obviously closer with Jane. John had even thought, when they were a bit younger, that he would date Roxy. Clearly that never happened, but in the fleeting mind of a teenager it had. Roxy cleared her throat as she flipped over the cards. "Okay, okay… the black card was, 'You have my sword.' 'And you have my bow.' 'And _my_ blank!' Alright… pffft, what the fuck? 'And my _penis pendants'_ oh my lord you guys. 'Goat-Skin thongs', nah, 'poo shaped gummies' nah. 'lesbian stepmom'… damn, hitting close to home there. And then there's, 'japanese handjob' which I'm not sure what that means, 'ass orgasms'… is that even possible? And, oh my god," Roxy's face crumpled as she toppled over in laughter. "'You have my sword.' 'And you have my bow.' 'And my _firm buttocks.'_ Firm buttocks is clearly best weapon, who played this?"  
"Thank you," Dirk said, the slightest bit of a smirk on his face as he took the black card. Some of the other notable winners of the night were "this is the prime of my life. I'm young, hot, and full of poor life choices" courtesy of Rose, "If God didn't want us to enjoy the size of my penis, he wouldn't have given us the whole goddamned thing", which was Dave's play, and Jake's win of "one trillion dollars + vigilante justice = BATMAN!" Overall, it was an entirely enjoyable night, one that ended with plenty of laughter.

The laughter and happiness was jolted right out of Jane when she received a distressing message from Roxy not more than 30 minutes after she'd left.

tipsyGnostalgic [TG] began pestering gutsyGumshoe [GG]

TG: JANE OMG  
TG: HUGE EMERGENCY  
TG: OH MY GOD  
TG: FUCKING SHIT  
GG: Roxy, what's going on?  
TG: OMG NO IM THE WORST  
GG: Please, calm down and tell me what is happening.  
TG: CALLIES IN THE HOSPITAL  
TG: I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO  
TG: PLZ HELP  
GG: Oh no!  
GG: Roxy, please breathe.  
GG: Do you think you can drive?  
TG: hhhhh  
TG: um  
TG: yes  
GG: Okay. Drive back to my house.  
GG: Do your best to stay calm.  
GG: Once you get here, please let me drive.

TG: drive where?  
GG: To the hospital!  
GG: I thought you wanted to see how Calliope is doing?  
TG: okay  
TG: yeh i do  
TG: she'll be glad to see you too  
TG: okay im on my way keepin my cool  
TG: totally keepin my cool

tipsyGnostalgic [TG] has ceased pestering gutsyGumshoe [GG]

uranianUmbra [UU] began pestering gutsyGumshoe [GG]

UU: jane, dearie!  
UU: please do tell roxy not to worry about me  
UU: everything is fine.  
GG: Oh?  
GG: Well she's insisting on visiting.  
GG: Just to make sure.  
UU: i really do appreciate that but really, i am okay.  
GG: I'm afraid she won't believe it until we see you.  
UU: we?  
GG: Yes, Roxy's worked herself up into a fit, so I decided to accompany her.  
UU: ah, i see.  
UU: well if that's the case, i'll see both of you soon ^u^

uranianUmbra [UU] ceased pestering gutsyGumshoe [GG]

Jane paced impatiently, waiting for Roxy to arrive. Of course Calliope was going to say she was okay. She seemed like the type who didn't want others to worry about her, which Jane understood. She was usually that way too, but there were times when you needed to let other people worry, and this was certainly one of them! John was hovering a knife over the remains of the birthday cake, trying to decide how large a slice to take. He shrugged and cut himself a large piece, then looked up at Jane as he stuck a plastic fork into it.  
"What's wrong, Jane?" he asked.  
"My friend Calliope is in the hospital. Roxy and I are very worried about her."

"Oh no, Callie?" Isn't that your friend who…er…" John fumbled with his words, not wanting to seem insensitive. It was obviously a serious issue. "Um. Is she okay?" he quickly revised the question.  
"I don't know; she says she is but she always says she's okay," Jane muttered. A car screeched to a halt outside. "That was quick."  
"Is that Roxy?"  
"Yeah, we're going to go see what's going on." Jane grabbed her bag as she ran out the door. Roxy's hands were quivering as she gripped the wheel. "Roxy," Jane said, opening the driver-side door. "Come on, get in the passenger side. Let me drive." Roxy's face was pale, slowly nodding as she stepped out of the car. It was almost as though she was in some kind of trance, and all of Jane's internal alarms were going off. Still, she slid into Roxy's car, only being vaguely familiar with it, and drove the two of them to the hospital. Roxy didn't say a word, incredibly out of character, and Jane could only hope that once they saw Calliope, Roxy would snap out of it.

Finally, they made it up the hill to Skaia Heights Hospital, and Jane turned the engine off. "Roxy, are you okay?" Jane asked, glancing up at her friend. She seemed to have gained some composure, color returning to her face.  
"Jane, I've never had a girlfriend before, and… I knew she was sick. I did. Do. But this is the first time it's really hit me. I think… maybe I was ignoring it because I want so badly for her to be okay, so I don't have to deal with the hurt. And then I feel like shit cause I haven't been supporting her as she fights the deadliest fucking thing I can think of, and I'm only concerned with my own feelings!"  
"Has she ever told you about being in the hospital before?"  
"No… not really."  
"Does she bring up wanting to talk about her fight with cancer?"  
"No."  
"Then… maybe she doesn't want to talk about it. Listen, you two can talk about whatever needs to be worked out relationshipwise later, but for now let's just show her we're both here."  
Roxy took a deep breath. "Okay." Jane reached over the console, hugging Roxy tight. This was the last thing she was expecting to deal with, but she was nothing if not a loyal friend, especially with Roxy. The two got out of the car, keeping close to each other on the walk in. Jane took the lead when they reached the reception desk.  
"Welcome to Skaia Heights Hospital, how can I assist you?" the receptionist, who bore a striking resemblance to someone from Jane's class, asked.  
"Hi, we're just here to visit. Calliope Bennett."  
The receptionist typed something into his computer, looking somewhat surprised at the results. Jane couldn't tell if it was a good surprise or a bad surprise. "Oh, alright. She's in room 1111. Just follow the signs."  
"Okay, thank you," Jane said, toting Roxy along behind her as they made their way through the halls. Room 1111 was a few floors up, and after a bit of wandering and consulting several well-placed signs, the girls found the room they were looking for. They peeked in, not wanting to startle Calliope, especially if she was sick, but her lime green eyes met Jane's, and a soft smile invited them in. Roxy practically threw herself at Callie, flinging immediately into a tight hug.  
"Callie I'm so sorry I didn't come visit sooner, I didn't know and I-" Roxy babbled incoherently.  
"Roxy, darling, it's alright. I told you I'm okay," Callie cooed, patting Roxy on the head.  
"Are you really?" Jane couldn't help but ask.  
"Oh, yes. Um, surprising as it is to me, the treatment seems to be working. Chemotherapy is quite…intensive and I do find myself feeling frail some days, but overall they think I'm doing better." There was a warmth in Callie's eyes that indicated genuity. Jane's tension dropped as Roxy let up on her squeezing and fell back into an armchair. "Perhaps you were right, Roxy, it is very likely I'll pull through at this rate. That is, if you don't hug me to death," she said, putting a bit of levity into the situation.  
Roxy chuckled lightly, her warm nature seeming to return. "Well it's a shame you missed the party," Jane said. "If I'd known you were in treatment today I'd've rescheduled."  
"Oh, it's no worry to me. Perhaps I can join you all next time."  
"Callie, I'm _ssssoooooo glad_ you're doing better," Roxy finally managed to say. "Why didn't you tell me sooner about your hospital shit?"  
"Uh, I didn't want you to worry about me! If I told you every time I came in for treatment and you freaked out like this every time, well, you'd be worried all the time! I didn't want to burden you like that."  
"Omg, okay one it's not a burden to me cause you're my gf and I care oodles about 'cha," Roxy said. Jane was glad to hear her regular tone returning. "And two, if you told me about treatment happening every x amount of time or whatever, then I wouldn't have freaked out at all! You silly!" Roxy even let out a laugh. Callie blushed at the mention of 'gf's, and only got even redder when Roxy leaned over and pecked her on the cheek. The three girls eased into casual conversation and laughter as the evening wound down. Calliope seemed glad for the company, and while she did look thin, there was still a joyful aura around her.

When visitation hours ended, the familiar boy came to escort Jane and Roxy out. Jane was glad to see Roxy and Callie communicating, but a knot of worry still dwelled with her. She hoped all the optimism hadn't been in vain.


	13. Aging (Leveling) Up

Chapter Thirteen: Aging (Leveling) Up

John's friends were all abuzz that week at school. It was clear everyone was getting anxious for summer, despite the break being over two months away still. It seemed like the longest school year ever, and it was only April. Jane had heard back from colleges, but was procrastinating on making a decision. She'd decided, in addition to some more traditional schools, including Skaia University, which Roxy attended, to apply to some culinary schools, which aligned more with her interests anyway. By all accounts, Jane didn't _really_ need to go to school. She was about to inherit the Betty Crocker company—apparently her grandfather added a clause to the contract he and the current owner had signed, saying that all rights to the Betty Crocker name (now a branch of a conglomerate owned by the Peixes company) would return to the Crocker family when Jane turned 18, which was only a handful of days away at that point. But Jane didn't want to jump right into running a company; she wanted to know what she was doing. Maybe a business degree would be better suited for that, but Jane _also_ wanted to learn to cook more beyond just being a baker. So a decision would clearly have to be made, and Jane would have to make it soon.

gutsyGumshoe [GG] began pestering timaeusTestified [TT]

GG: Dirk, what do you think I should do?  
TT: What a broad question.  
GG: What a helpful answer.  
TT: Do in regards to what?  
GG: School.  
TT: Oh.  
TT: Fuck, I don't know.  
GG: What are you doing?  
TT: I don't know.  
TT: Probably trade school. Night classes.  
TT: I have to look after Dave now, so that throws a wrench into things. Not that I'm not happy to do it, of course.  
GG: Of course.  
TT: What's the dilemma exactly?  
GG: I suppose I'm just torn.  
GG: I could go to school with Roxy and get my Bachelor's in Business, which would be a good choice considering my inheritance of the company.  
GG: Or… I could go to culinary school.  
TT: What do you want to do?  
GG: I suppose I would prefer culinary school.  
GG: But I would be alone.  
TT: Eh, everyone goes to college alone.  
TT: At least at first.  
GG: You're probably right, but…  
GG: I hate the thought of all of us going our separate ways.  
TT: I'll still be living here.  
TT: Roxy will probably stay close by.  
TT: And Jake decided not to go back to England, so…  
GG: Oh!  
GG: I hadn't heard he'd made up his mind.  
GG: So what is he doing?  
TT: Studying Archaeology at Skaia U.  
GG: So really if I leave, I'll be the only one to do so.  
TT: Fuck, dude, you'll visit at least.  
TT: I really do think you should do what you want.  
TT: It's not as if you're going to run out of money.  
TT: You're a fucking mogul.  
GG: But what if I find I can't run a business?  
TT: Jane, you're smart and intuitive.  
TT: You'll be fine, no matter what you do.  
GG: Gosh, well… shucks, buster!  
TT: I know you're excited but watch the fucking language.  
GG: Hoo hoo!  
GG: Well, I suppose I will need to talk to my father about enrollment.  
TT: Where is this culinary school?  
GG: Well. I got into one in New York, one in-state, and one in Chicago.  
GG: I will probably stay in California, though, so visiting is easier.  
TT: Damn.  
TT: Go Crocker.  
GG: :B  
GG: Thanks for the vote of confidence, Dirk.  
GG: I think I needed that.  
TT: What're friends for.

gutsyGumshoe [GG] ceased pestering timaeusTestified [TT]

When John and Jane came home from school on Monday, Jane went into their fathers' office, discussing her future plans for education. John frowned a bit, then decided to go into his room, killing some time with _The Sims_ or something equally mundane. As he pulled up the game, Pesterchum went off.

twinArmageddons [TA] started memo: aradia's birthday shenanigans

TA: okay guys so  
TA: aradia's been away from skaia high for a couple months  
TA: but i thought it would be cool of us to throw her a surprise party  
TA: ive already arranged things with her dad, and tavros and i are taking care of snacks and decorations  
TA: all you guys have to do is show up to Prospit park at 4:30 on friday

Oh man, it was Aradia's birthday? John had no idea. The more he thought about it, the more he realized how little he knew Karkat's group beyond Karkat himself and Vriska. It was kind of silly; he'd been hanging out with them at school all year, and still hadn't taken a lot of time to get to know them. Had he gotten so wrapped up in feelings for Vriska that he neglected other friendships? Well, Terezi was cool. But he didn't really know the rest of them, and guilt ate at him a bit.

adiosToreador responded to memo  
AT: actually, if anyone wants to help me set up, that'd be great  
cuttlefishCuller [CC] responded to memo  
CC: Shore! I'd love to be there for Aradia.  
CC: I can't help set up, though. I have swim practice after school.  
CC: Sorry, Tav.  
AT: that's fine  
arachnidsGrip [AG] responded to memo  
AG: You mean you've actually done something helpful, toreadork?  
AT: um, yeah, actually  
AT: sollux told me about this on friday  
AT: we've been planning.  
AG: Whatever, as if I'd go to a surprise part for _Aradia,_ of all people.  
AG: Finally gonna ask her out, Lispy McAsshat?  
TA: maybe  
AG: Hahahahahahahaha!  
AG: Fine, I'll show up just to watch that disaster unfold.  
carcinoGeneticist [CG] responded to memo  
CG: What the fuck is your problem?  
ectoBiologist [EB] responded to memo  
EB: wow, vriska, calm down.  
CG: Aradia has always been a good friend.  
CG: I don't get why you hate her so much.  
grimAuxiliatrix [GA] responded to memo  
GA: Yes, Aradia has been helping me with my romantic problems, despite having her own, and despite being quite away from us.  
GA: I would love to attend.  
CG: Yeah, shut the fuck up, Serket.  
CG: I'll go.  
turntechGodhead [TG] responded to memo  
TG: im in  
TG: rose and jade too probably  
TA: are they not in the chat?  
TG: i dunno theyre not online right now  
TG: but im seeing rose later so ill let her know  
CG: Nepeta says she'll come too.  
TA: if you hear from gz, let him know too  
CG: Yeah, okay.  
CG: He's been making himself scarce lately though.  
TA: yeah i know  
CC: Eridan wants to know if he's invited.  
TA: eugh  
TA: yeah i guess  
TA: equius too  
TA: though that might be awkward  
CG: He's here too.  
CG: He says he'll go.  
TA: ff what the fuck is Eridan doing at your house?  
CC: We're still friends, Sollux!  
TA: whatever  
AG: Okay, we're all fucking going, can this pointless chat end now?  
TG: what about terezi  
CG: Why don't YOU tell her, Strider?  
TG: no need to be jealous karkles  
TG: you know id never dream of anyone but you  
CG: Shut the fuck up, don't call me Karkles.  
TA: you two are fucking gross.  
TA: see you all at the party, then.  
CG: You'll see us at school tomorrow, dipshit.  
AG: Hey, yeah, why couldn't this idiocy have waited for then?  
TA: fuck, this just seemed easier.  
TA: you don't have to get up my ass about it.

Just before the chat closed, John had an idea.

EB: oh, tavros, i'll help you set up if you want!  
AT: oh, yeah  
AT: thanks, john

twinArmageddons [TA] closed memo: aradia's birthday shenanigans

At the very best, John could establish more of a friendship with Tavros. At the very worst, it would be incredibly awkward and the tension of their ongoing rivalry of sorts would only get worse. And… and Tavros knew more about Vriska than anyone else. While John had decided to basically ignore Karkat's advice, he figured it wouldn't hurt to ask Tavros' opinion.  
The school week was something of a blur, and Friday arrived quicker than anticipated. John had arranged for his dad to take him and Tavros over to the park after school to set up, and John was oddly excited about it. Maybe because they hadn't all hung out in a group since New Years'. John spotted Tavros near his locker, grabbing the bag of party supplies, and John darted over to him, grabbing the handles of his wheelchair. Tavros looked notably startled, glancing back at John, who just grinned at him.  
"Hey, Tavros!"  
"Uh, hi, John," Tavros faltered. "Could you, uh, maybe give me a warning before grabbing my chair like that? You startled me."  
John blushed lightly, and let go of the chair handles. Tavros skillfully caught his whells, stopping the chair before it rolled too far away. "Sorry," John mumbled. "I-is that like, poor manners?" he asked, now walking alongside Tavros.  
"Incredibly," Tavros said, then he seemed to catch himself. "Sorry, John, I just, uh, don't like people pushing my wheelchair unless I know them really well." John frowned. Of course it was rude, he should have known that. "But- it's okay! Let's just go get the stuff at the park set up," Tavros said with a smile. John could tell Tavros was trying to reassure him, and it was working. They went out to John's dad's car and helped Tavros in, and then John helped his dad fold up the chair and find a space where it would fit, and once everyone was oriented, they drove off towards the park. There was a sense of awkwardness between John and Tavros. Neither of them knew what to say, just the sound of the radio filling up the car. John's ears perked up when a familiar song came on the radio. He stretched forward, turning the radio up a bit, then began singing along in hopes it would break the tension.  
"How do I…get through one night without you? If I had to live without you, what kind of life would that be? Oh, I… need you in my arms, need you to hold… You're my world, my heart, my soul… if you ever leave…" John grinned again at Tavros, who laughed, and then joined in.  
"How do I live without you? I want to know, how do I breathe without you?" John laughed, and the two of them sang the rest of the song together.  
"You've got a pretty good voice, Tav," John said.

"Oh, uh, thanks," Tavros muttered.

They finally arrived at Prospit Park, and John began draping streamers around the gazebo while Tavros set up the snack table. John kept thinking about the song they'd sung in the car. Something about it… it was cheesy, he knew that. It reminded him of one of those 80s movies where the guy stands outside the girl's window playing a song on the boombox to get her to go out with him. And in his mental image, that girl was Vriska. They'd had a good date, and they hung out a lot, but… he wasn't sure it was going anywhere. They still hadn't kissed. She pecked him on the cheek a lot. They held hands. But they were 14, John had never dated anyone, and he had no idea what constituted being a couple. He let out a heavy sigh and turned back towards Tavros.  
"Tavros, there was a reason I offered to help," John said. "I wanted to ask you… talk to you about Vriska."  
"What about her?"  
"Is she always so… abrasive?" He remembered how harsh Vriska was on Pesterchum when the party was mentioned.  
"Um…" Tavros sounded hesitant. "She's got a strong personality. But I think… she's trying. To be a better person."  
"I think she's trying, too. She just… she told me some really intense stuff the other day," John explained, conveniently leaving out the fact that 1- "the other day" was over three months ago and 2- they'd been going on dates basically since then anyway, "and I wasn't sure what to make of it. I know she wants to be good, and big and important, but she's also done bad things, and I don't know how to handle that, and I don't think she does either."  
"Well… like what bad things?" John knew Tavros knew the answer to that.  
"She told me she was the one that put you in that wheelchair," John answered. Tavros frowned at him, looking down a bit.  
"Just give her time, John."  
"Do you think she's going to change?" She'd started to, but her actions and speech around John seemed vastly different than her actions and speech around everyone else. Reputation seemed like a big motivator for Vriska.  
"I don't know," Tavros huffed. "We're kids. 14. Who knows? Don't blame her for things in the past. I haven't even blamed her for… well, for this," Tavros said, gesturing at himself. John pondered for a moment, then smiled. He thought he understood what Tavros was saying. They did have a lot of growing up to do, and John needed to stop worrying about what Vriska had done, and start looking at what she _was_ doing. And what she was doing was trying. Maybe John could stop overthinking everything.  
"Thanks, Tav. I know we're not really close, but I appreciate it."  
"I try."

The two boys went back to setting up, finishing all the arrangements in more friendly conversation as the group began to arrive. Sollux was clearly running late, as he was the last to arrive (besdies Aradia, of course) and he went about double-checking and triple-checking. Feferi calmed Sollux down, and Sollux ushered everyone towards the gazebo as Aradia came running up. Everyone shouted surprise, and Aradia thanked Sollux, and the party went on. John went back to his own business, making his way over to Vriska. He sat down next to her, smiling softly at her. Vriska smiled back.  
"Vriska…" John started after a moment, "are we, like, a thing?"  
"What do you mean?"  
"Like.. do you think of me as your boyfriend?"  
"Of course I do, stupid."  
John pursed his lips a bit. "Well… I don't know, you just don't act like we're together around everyone else."  
"I don't…" Vriska sighed. John grabbed her hand, gently rubbing his thumb against hers. "I don't want to look weak. I _can't_ look weak."  
"I don't understand what you mean by looking weak. These people here, they're your friends. They're not going to judge you if you're not 100% alert, guard up at all time."  
"I'm not worried about judgement, I'm just… not wired to let my guard down."  
"Well can you let it down for me?" John heard himself say. He wasn't sure what he was saying or asking or even _doing_ but he found himself looking into Vriska's eyes. Eye. Her gaze was searching for an answer, even though he'd been the one asking the question. "If we're…" the word sat in John's throat, and he swallowed it down. "If we're together… then I want you to know you can tell me anything. But I want to _be_ together. Even around them. Look at Kanaya and Rose. They're cuddling 24/7. I'm not saying we have to be like that, but… I don't know, some PDA wouldn't hurt. Fuck, I didn't even know what we _were_ until just now. I…"  
"No, I understand. If I want this to work, and trust me, I _do_ , I need to learn not to be so afraid."  
"What're you afraid of?"  
"I don't know. That I'll push you away like I always do. Or worse; you'll push me away."  
"I would never," John said. And something inside him urged him forward, until he found himself impossibly close to Vriska, and their noses brushed each other's and their lips met and John's heart was going to beat out of his chest. John broke the kiss off, looking down, resting his forehead on Vriska's. She was looking down, too, her arms draped over John's shoulders. Vriska stood, hastily, her face red.  
"Uh," was all she managed to get out. John couldn't look up at her. He was sure he was the color of a tomato. Vriska didn't leave the table, though. Instead she poured herself a glass of soda. Eventually, John composed himself enough to glance back at her. The world was muted, and John could only look at Vriska as she cheered something at the rest of the group. That… just happened. John Egbert, teen dweeb extraordinaire, had kissed a girl. All was right with the world. And then…  
"HOLY SHIT!" John was jolted out of his daydreams by Karkat's shout. "I'll be there as soon as I can."  
"Karkat, you FUCKER!" Sollux shouted at Karkat. John had no idea what was happening. "Can you not lose your shit for one day?!"  
"Well excuse me, shithead. I need to go now. My dad just got shot."


	14. Two on the Mantle, One in the Ground

Chapter Fourteen: Two on the Mantle, One in the Ground

John immediately felt the color run out of his face as Karkat ran off with Nepeta. It was a sick lump in his gut, an oh-so-familiar feeling that was suddenly weighing him down. Once again, the world was muted, but rather than excited shock, John felt numb and almost static as he moved. He wasn't even aware of exactly what came out of his mouth, only that he called his father and asked to come home.  
John knew why he was impacted so much. He never met Karkat's dad, but he'd heard about him (everyone in town heard about Solomon Vantas), and the very idea of having a parent in the hospital was enough to make John reel. He knew exactly what Karkat was feeling. John barely noticed Jane's eyes on him as he slunk through the front door behind his dad and dropped his butt onto the couch. His gaze was fixed forward and unfocused and he was absolutely emotionally exhausted.  
"John, are you feeling okay?" Jane asked, scooting out of the kitchen a bit. John groaned, collapsing even further onto the couch. His legs were sprawled across the entire couch as he buried his head into the pillow. "What's wrong?" Another muffled groan, and then John shifted the pillow, uncovering only his mouth.  
"Karkat's dad is in the hospital," John murmured. Jane immediately knew what was happening. John's sympathy center was overheating, in a sense. She moved towards the couch, pushed John's legs off, and sat down next to him. John immediately leaned into his cousin, and she wrapped his arm around her in a sort of half-hug. "I feel so gross about it," John said. "I don't know what to do, Jane."  
"I know, John…" Jane muttered, cooing at him. She began to hum a bit, rocking back and forth with John. "I know you know how this feels."  
"You do too," John muttered, but he was letting himself relax. Jane was so naturally motherly that it almost made up for not having a mom around. Almost. "You knew your mom better than I knew mine." John laid down in Jane's lap, and she began running  
"Well… yeah. I was 12, though."  
"Can you tell me about her?"  
"About _my_ mom?" Jane clarified.  
"About them in general, I don't know," John said. "They were friends, weren't they?"

"Yeah. They were friends. Um…" Jane got a bit uncomfortable, shifting a bit on the couch. "Hang on," she muttered, standing up for a moment. John lifted his head to let her up, then plopped back onto the couch. Jane re-entered the room a moment later, both their fathers following her.  
"John," his father said, settling into the armchair opposite John. John sat up, letting Jane back onto the couch. "You want to hear about your mother?"  
John nodded. "I don't… remember much about her."  
"Well… what do you want to know?"  
"Um…well how did you meet? I don't think you ever told me." John fidgeted. He only had flashes of memories of her. For most of what he could recall, John had just lived with Jane and his dad and his uncle, but there were bits and pieces of before, when his mother and his aunt had been around. John sank onto Jane's lap again as his father cleared his throat.  
"We met, uh, in college. I was working in a bakery and she came in with a cake order." John snickered. Of course his parents would have bonded over baked goods. "I gave her the information card to fill out with what she wanted it to say."  
"What did it say?" John asked. His father chuckled and smiled.  
"'Sorry I ran you over with your own vehicle.'"  
"Pfft, what?"

"That was pretty much my reaction, too. I read the car a few times, then looked back at her.  
'It's a long story!' she said. 'I just _really_ owe my roommate an apology.  
'I'm curious as to what the story is.'  
She laughed. 'Maybe I can tell you sometime. You've got my number.' And the rest… is pretty much history." John watched his dad's eyes pan over to the mantle, over which hung a picture of the whole family; John's dad crouching next to John's mother in a hospital bed, holding John as a baby. Jane's dad stood behind John's dad, with the 3-year-old Jane and her mother standing off to the side a bit. John had always thought it was an odd picture to have framed in the living room, but it was the only picture of all 6 of them. In front of it, on top of the mantle, were two urns. Again, a bit morbid to have out in the living room.  
"Do you remember what happened?" Jane asked John, looking down at him. There was something piercing about the question, despite the gentle nature in which it was asked.  
"Kind of," John answered, his voice quiet. "Some freak car accident?" Nobody said anything for a moment, letting the quiet settle. John knew what Karkat was feeling because he'd felt it himself. He remembered very clearly, despite only being about 9 when both his and Jane's mother wound up in the hospital after a gnarly crash. How could someone forget that? John always thought that maybe if he suppressed it, he wouldn't have to remember. He hated remembering; he hated that that was one of his only clear memories of his mother. All that was clear was that one day, when he'd lost his mother. Jane had lost hers, too, but she remembered them better. That wasn't all she had left.  
John huffed, pushing back tears as he stood from the couch. "I don't want to talk about this anymore," he muttered, starting to walk down the hallway.  
"John!" Jane called after him, but he didn't so much as turn around.

John was balled up in his blankets when someone knocked on his door. He shifted a bit, trying to look a bit less baby-ish when the door swung open, revealing Jade standing on the other side.  
"Jade, what're you—"  
"A little birdie told me you were upset," she chirped, green eyes bright in the dim evening light.  
"Jane messaged Jake, didn't she?"  
"Maybe. Anyway, we're gonna watch your favorite."  
" _Con Air?"  
_ "Yup!"  
"Hell yeah."

John felt mildly better after watching the movie with Jade. It was amazing what a good movie and a good friend could do for someone, but he still couldn't help but dwell on the events of the day, and hope that everything would turn out alright for Karkat.

Everything did _not_ turn out alright for Karkat, as John would find out shortly by means of Pesterchum memo.

carcinoGeneticist [CG] has started memo: FUCK

CG: Hey everyone.  
CG: So…  
CG: Bad news…  
CG: My dad…he…  
CG: Didn't make it.  
cuttlefishCuller [CC] responded to memo  
CC: Karkat, I'm so sorry!  
turntechGodhead [TG] responded to memo  
TG: fucking blows dude  
CG: Don't be sarcastic, Strider.  
TG: im not  
TG: it may shock you to know that i am in fact  
TG: capable of sincerity  
TG: give me the benefit of the doubt dude  
TG: instead of hopping all over me the minute i open my mouth  
TG: all up in my business like youre trying to hop on my dick  
CG: GROSS, fuck off.  
TG: nah man the fuck is on  
TG: your sympathy fuck i mean  
TG: looking for one?  
twinArmageddons [TA] responded to memo  
TA: wouldn't put it past him  
TG: haha nice one man  
CG: You FUCKERS!  
CG: Stop ganging up on me, it's seriously not cool.  
CG: I'm having an honest to God crisis.  
arachnidsGrip [AG] responded to memo  
AG: Honestly, Karkat, when _aren't_ you having a crisis?  
CG: UUUUGH forget it.  
CG: Why did I think I could talk to you assholes?  
ectoBiologist [EB] responded to memo  
EB: guys, come on  
EB: karkat just lost someone important to him.  
EB: i don't think it's the time for dick jokes.  
TG: what are you like his boyfriend or something?

John just about jumped out of his seat. A joke in private was one thing, but Dave just said that at a wildly inappropriate time in a chat including all of their friends, PLUS, Dave was way closer to being Karkat's boyfriend than John was. Dave's sense of humor was hard to pin down. He took pleasure in fucking with people, and his level of sarcasm and irony was said with the same tone as things he said sincerely. John could only tell when Dave was being serious after knowing him for years; it was pretty much impossible for most people to tell when he was joking. The lack of punctuation in his typing style had the same effect, as if text wasn't hard to decipher already. John just typed the first thing that came to mind.

EB: dave, no.  
EB: i'm not…  
EB: i'm straight, dave.  
TG: sure  
TG: youre about as straight as i am  
TG: but sure

Infuriating.

CG: Egbert, PLEASE. I DON'T need your fucking help.  
CG: Strider, SHUT UP.  
AG: Soooooooo  
AG: What exactly was the point of this group chat?  
AG: Half of us aren't even online right now.  
TA: man i wish i wasn't  
CG: I was trying to get to that.  
CG: I could honestly really use some moral support right now.  
CG: So you're all invited to the funeral.  
CG: Not that any of you will actually show up.  
CG: Now leave me alone.

carcinoGeneticist [CG] is now an idle chum!

Ugh. Everything about the situation was shit. John quelled off his queasiness about Karkat's dad by dealing with his frustration with Dave first.

ectoBiologist [EB] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG]

EB: dude can you like  
EB: stop making gay jokes about me?  
EB: especially in group chats!  
TG: lol are you worred itll give vris the wrong idea  
EB: no  
TG: then whats the big deal  
TG: its all in good fun im just giving you shit  
EB: because i'm not gay!  
TG: you never know  
TG: were still young  
EB: look, just because you're waffling over your sexuality doesn't mean we all are  
TG: im not waffling over anything  
EB: then how come you won't just call karkat your boyfriend?  
TG: that has nothing to do with anything  
TG: what the fuck do you even know  
EB: i think you're afraid  
TG: bullshit  
TG: why are you making it out to be a bad thing anywat  
TG: theres nothing wrong with being gay  
EB: you know i know that  
EB: but i'm not gay  
EB: maybe you thought i was at one point or even wish i am but i'm not  
TG: whoa  
TG: low blow dude  
TG: i told you a secret in confidence  
TG: not so you could use it against me in a bullshit argument  
TG: whatever this is so fucking stupid  
TG: cant handle a joke  
EB: why're you such a pain in the ass?  
TG: cause i top

turntechGodhead [TG] is now offline!

EB: wow

ectoBiologist [EB] has ceased pestering turntechGodhead [TG]

ectoBiologist [EB] began pestering tentacleTherapist [TT]

EB: your cousin is a total jackass

ectoBiologist [EB] is now offline!

John didn't speak to Dave, or really to anyone, until the funeral that Friday. He stuck to Jade's side, while Dave was at Karkat's and Rose was at Kanaya's. Nepeta, Feferi, Terezi, Aradia and Sollux were there, too, sitting at various spots in the crowd, as well as someone who looked vaguely similar to Eridan sitting next to who John could only assume was Karkat's brother. John sat and listened, but was in his own thoughts as the pastor spoke, and as Nepeta's mom (he thought) spoke, and then Karkat's brother. Okay, so maybe he shouldn't have blown up on Dave like that. He was being a little harsh. He could have just said that the jokes made him uncomfortable. Dave should have respected that, sure, but John knew he was in the wrong too.  
John approached Karkat and Dave after all the speakers were finished, only pausing to wonder if Dave had said anything to Karkat.  
"Hey," John said, placing a hand on Karkat's shoulder. Karkat frowned, but it wasn't a typical Karkat scowl, it was a sullen frown. He looked down. John didn't know what to say. There was probably nothing he could say, so instead he pulled Karkat into a hug. He could tell Karkat resisted at first—Karkat _would_ resist at first—but eventually accepted it, only letting go after a few minutes.

"Are you, uh, coming to the reception?" Karkat asked.  
"Um… no, sorry. Jade and I have to catch the bus home," John answered.  
Karkat didn't say anything, but his disappointment was clear. "Oh. That's fine," he muttered, taking a passing glance at Dave before making his way back over to his brother and Nepeta. John looked at Dave for a moment, too, neither of them saying anything for a moment.  
"Sorry about—"  
"Dave, I'm—"  
They both spoke simultaneously, then paused for a moment, looked at each other from behind their respective glasses, then cracked a smile. "Sorry, Dave," John said. "It was a dick move for me to… to bring that up in an argument."  
"Yeah, but I was being a douche. You were trying to tell me something and I disregarded it."  
"Don't even worry about it. It was a stupid fight." John was relieved they'd made up so quickly. "Shouldn't you be going with Karkat?"  
"Man… he's moody as fuck right now."  
"Of course he is, dude! His dad just died!" John said. Man, Dave was really shit at this. He didn't respond right away. "Dave… Karkat needs you. What is even going on with you two?"  
"I don't know… maybe you were right about me being scared. I've never… really dated anyone. Like, yeah, I'm charming as shit but I've never gotten this far, and I guess… I don't know. It's kind of emasculating for me to be with another guy."  
"Is that what this whole mess has been about?"  
"I mean… yeah. There was this whole shit with Terezi, too, and Karkles got all jealous but it was just… she was going through some shit she confided in me and I couldn't tell Karkat what was really going on. He's probably… over that by now. But, yeah, all that stuff Bro used to tell me about being a man and… whatever… it's still stuck in my head. It's really fucking with me."  
"Oh man. Dave, if you care about Karkat you should just be with him already. Who cares? It's not like you have to become that gay stereotype and act all effeminate. Gender roles are bullshit anyway." Dave didn't say anything, leaning against a chair and looking at the grass. "At the very least, just talk to him. He's probably been freaking the fuck out. You know how that kid is with romance."  
"Yeah… I guess I will. Maybe he and I can finally set the record straight. In a manner of speaking. Sorry I got all bent out of shape about it the other day."  
"Like I said, don't worry about it."  
"You're actually a hella good wingman."  
"Fuck, if you say so," John said with a laugh. He looked up at the sky. For once, it didn't rain at the funeral.


	15. Graduation

Chapter Fifteen: Graduation

Things were more or less normal after that. Whatever was happening between Dave and Karkat was still happening; John decided it wasn't his business. Jane pretty much aced all her classes, and before anyone really knew what was happening, graduation arrived. Jane looked beyond elegant in the white cap and gown, and her dad was buzzing around taking pictures. At some point in the afternoon, the front door was just about busted down, Roxy excitedly letting herself in, toting Calliope behind her.

"Jane Crocker, I am _so proud!_ " Roxy squealed.

"Roxy, Callie!" Jane beamed, rushing over to them. The girls immediately got into a three-way hug, and Jane couldn't help but notice the crop of platinum-blonde hair on Calliope's head. "Callie, your hair's growing back! It looks great!"

Callie blushed a bit. "Oh! Yes! Well, I am officially in remission," she said, smiling softly.

"That's amazing!"

"Alright, girls, let's go," Jane's dad chided. John grabbed his phone off the counter before they left; he wanted to make sure to get plenty of pictures for himself.

They met up with Dave, Rose and her mother, and Jade and her grandparents when they got to Skaia High. Dave was uncharacteristically emotive, smiling and cheering for his brother and Jake and Jane, as well as Meulin Leijon (a name John himself didn't recognize) and Kankri Vantas. John chuckled to himself, shaking his head as the ceremony ended. Sophomore year was going to be different—as if _Freshman_ year hadn't been different enough—but things were looking good.


End file.
